Observations in School Counseling During Covid 2020

I have been gathering my thoughts about COVID and the school year we have had so far. I live in Indiana, just west of Indianapolis. Our Governor gave schools permission to be open, and our district has done an outstanding job. One of the most helpful things we did was give parents the opportunity to send students to school or to work at home. Our district designated a teacher at every grade level to be an at home instructor, so the classroom teachers could focus solely on the students who were present with them. Parents had the opportunity second semester to make that choice again- if they were at home, they could go to school, and if they were at school, they could switch to being at home. This helped many students who had sick family members.

I am the counselor at the alternative high school. Beginning in August we saw a shift in the students our two districts were sending us. Since we were all at home learners during March-May of 2020, many of those students got behind and didn't complete any work. Those students came to us and are getting caught up. They love the small environment and staff. We have 2 teachers for each core subject (Math, English, Science, and Social Studies), so we are really a miniature version of the main high schools. Our teacher to student ration is 1:16 or less. 

What we have noticed is that more and more students are becoming withdrawn and anxious during COVID. Students have admitted to me that once they were home for 6 months or more (starting in March), they got comfortable at home and were afraid to leave the house. Once these students gave us a chance and they began coming, they wanted to stay with us second semester. The main reason is that we are a small school and we have a caring staff. They also feel like they can be themselves at the alternative school. Everyone has a different story of why they come to us.

We need to remember that "People need people"- any amount of time we invest in someone else is worth the extra mile, the extra question, the extra compliment, the extra phone call, the extra e-mail. We find that our parents need support just as much as their students do. It's very simplistic, but it works. Students are wanting someone to look up to and listen to them even if they are quiet themselves. I have never had a student get mad at me for asking how their day is going or how I can help them. I have had students come back and say thank you. We must overcome our fears to help our students overcome theirs. This will reduce everyone's levels of anxiety. Isolation only breeds more depression and anxiety. Let's get back to the basics!

CBS Interviews Social Workers: Child Abuse Underreported During COVID

I am very sensitive to the fact that every person has a different view of COVID and are at different stages with their feelings and thoughts. I am not here to argue any of those concerns. What I want to highlight is the number of underreported cases of child abuse going on. On May 5, CBS aired a 4 minute clip of interviews with social workers who explain what is going on in their world during COVID.

The incidences of child abuse are way higher than deaths from COVID right now, so with precautions, I am hoping and praying that schools open on time and that children can come back to their safe places. Yes, it's good in many cases for parents to choose whether to have their children take online courses or go to school in person, but keep in mind, some parents of abused children will choose to keep their children home to protect the abuser, whether it's themselves, or someone else in the household. As the risk for COVID decreases, the risk for child abuse continues to increase the longer children remain at home all day due to stress on the family, or history of previous abuse.

The purpose of this post is to increase awareness, so we can all sound the alarm and report suspected child abuse. If you suspect child abuse, please call the child abuse hotline at 1-800- 800-5556.
Please take four minutes to watch this CBS clip: Child Abuse Underreported During COVID
Indiana Department of Child Services website: Indiana DCS Website

Stages of Grief during COVID-19

Something that has been on my mind a lot this past couple of weeks during the Coronavirus outbreak is the stages of grief. They aren't only something people go through when they lose a loved one, they can also be something people go through when there is a sudden loss of control, change in schedule without warning, severe illness, or job loss. I thought it might be helpful to review them for anyone wanting to know what they are. The best way to help someone going through these is to be supportive, even when we are struggling a bit ourselves. I think of my students who have never even heard of stages of grief. This may be helpful for them to know, so they can see they are not alone, realize this maybe normal, or so they can understand what their parent/s are going through if they've experienced a sudden job loss due to the virus interruption.

Stages of Grief  based on the Kubler-Ross model of grief
(Individuals may not experience all stages, and they may return to previous stages at times)

1. Denial: "This can't be happening."  This displays itself when a person does not accept a loss or the situation.

2. Anger: "Why is this happening to me?" When the loss is realized, a person may be come angry at themselves or others. It's normal to say, "It's not fair" or to place blame, "This is all ______'s fault."

3. Bargaining: "I will do anything to change this."  A person may try to change or delay the loss. (In the case of COVID-19 we all want to change the situation as fast as possible)

4. Depression: "What's the point of going on?"  A person may self-isolate and spend time crying and grieving. It is often a precursor to acceptance because the realization that a loss has occurred has set in.

5. Acceptance: "It's going to be OK."  Finally a person accepts their loss. He or she understands the situation logically, and come to terms emotionally with the situation.

Source: Therapist Aid LLC  TherapistAid.com

                         

What is Compassion Fatigue and Empathy?

When I first heard the phrase, "compassion fatigue", I thought, "yes, I think I have that!" However, when I looked up the definition, I thought to myself, I only have it partially. Here is the definition: Compassion fatigue, also known as secondary traumatic stress, is a condition characterized by a gradual lessening of compassion over time." It's caused by listening to others' stories of trauma and experiencing stress taken on from the student (or client if you are a therapist). I don't agree that my compassion lessons over time. I just take on the students' feelings and emotions as I listen to a lot of stories in a short amount of time.  

I kept looking for the right phrasing of what I was experiencing.  I was speaking with a student on the topic and she said that people who experience others' feelings deeply are called "Empaths," so I looked up that definition and this is what it said, "Empaths are highly sensitive individuals, who have a keen ability to sense what people around them are thinking and feeling. Psychologists may use the term empath to describe a person that experiences a great deal of empathy, often to the point of taking on the pain of others at their own expense."

OK, so I have part of that definition too. I am sensitive and keen to what students are thinking and feeling and have great empathy, but I don't take on others' pain. My issue is that I hear so many stories in a short period of time that I am totally exhausted when I get home from work. 

While searching online about this condition, I found this well written article (short read) that expresses my thoughts also! Take a read. The most important take away is to take care of yourself (myself!) and be aware when you (I) need a break or a mental health day!

Empathy and Compassion Fatigue 

Mental Health: Same Issues, New Words Over Time

Recently I was walking around Barnes and Noble Bookstore and looking at the categories and titles of books. There were seven major sections of books that I could see: Health and Wellness, Cooking, Fitness, History, Finance, Psychology, and Religion.  I am amazed at how many books have been written to help us with our mental health. Of all those categories, five of them relate directly to mental health and how to improve our lives in some way.  I was imagining all the books written through the ages that weren't even on the bookshelves, but can be accessed electronically or in libraries.

Over the years, the field of Psychology comes up with new terms for the same issues. Here are some of them.
1980's  Self-Esteem
1990's  Positivity & Meditation
2000's  Self-Help
2010's  Self-Care and Mindfulness

Mental Health is an ageless issue in every culture. While we know that genetics, environment, spiritual mindset and personality all play a part in people's mental health (we are all on a spectrum!), no one has a magic answer to recovery, but collectively, we can narrow down remedies to some common things. Things that we know help improve mental health in various combinations:
A good diet, outdoor time in the sun, exercise, spirituality, medication (for some), counseling, de-stressing (taking yourself out of situations that cause stress- when possible), setting long term goals, and getting the required recommended amount of sleep.

Working with teenagers who have mental health issues, I am amazed at how many of them are already living poor lifestyles at their young ages. Most of them definitely are not getting enough sleep, they eat a terrible diet of french fries and hamburgers or chicken fingers several times a week, and rarely do they exercise once they have completed PE requirements. I personally think PE should be required every semester until graduation.  This is a major mental health booster!

It is definitely frustrating that students don't take care of themselves, and no matter how much advice I give them, I don't see major improvements in the short term. I spend a lot of time helping kids get across the finish line of K-12 education, and then I have to shoo them out the door and start over with the next generation.

I would say that over the years, I have found that pursuing relationships with kids and letting them know we care as counselors is the best we can do, while equipping them with tools and exposing them to opportunities that are out there after graduation. I believe that every connection helps them connect brain cells, and I want them to look back on high school and remember that someone cared, even if they don't remember my name!

A Letter to My Dad From a Student in Foster Care

I was speaking recently to one of my students who is in a foster care placement. She had a visit with her mom and dad about a month ago. Both of her parents are addicted to meth and have been in and out of jail. They are currently out of jail and she claims they continue to do meth. The visit she had did not go well. They are allowed to be in public places together, but unsupervised. The student believed that her dad was high during the visit. On a different day, he came into her place of employment and got high in the restroom so he was asked not to return to that place.  She shared with me a text she sent him and I thought it was very well written and showed her feelings appropriately. (Please note, the incident was reported her her Family Case Manager from the Department of Child Services)

I wanted to post this because it shows the raw feelings of a student who has dealt with a (short) lifetime of pain, and of parents who cared more about their additions than their children. Getting help for additions takes courage, and if someone really wants to get help, they will admit themselves to a facility- maybe insurance doesn't cover everything, but if they are court ordered and in the system, it will get paid for one way or another! Many teenagers go off the deep end with parents like hers, but she has goals and there are kids out there who break the cycle of their parents.

Child Maltreatment Report Indicates Kentucky and Indiana as WORST States for Child Abuse

Why? Why is there child abuse in the first place? Why do I live in a state that has the second highest child abuse rate in the country? We don't even have one of the largest cities in the United States! These are questions with complicated answers. There is so much evil in some people's hearts- evil that they sometimes have little control over due to deep addictions to drugs or a mental illness they can't seem to overcome, even for the sake of children.

April is child abuse awareness month and I always make a post to bring the topic to light. The blue ribbon is both a symbol of Child Abuse Awareness and Autism Awareness.  More often than not, long term effects of child abuse results in mental disorders of children or deviant behavior, and the cycle is rarely broken.

The 2017 report was released in February of 2019.  According to the report, Indiana has 18.2 per 1000 child abuse reports, behind only Kentucky at 22.3 per 1000. The national average is 10.

Here are a few findings from the report.The full report can be accessed here:
Child Maltreatment Report 2017 (Released Feb 2019)
■ The national rounded number of children who received a child protective services investigation response or alternative response increased 10.0 percent from 2013(3,184,000) to 2017 (3,501,000). 
■The number and rate of victims have fluctuated during the past 5 years. Comparing the national rounded number of victims from 2013 (656,000) to the national rounded number of victims in 2017 (674,000) shows an increase of 2.7 percent. 
■The 2017 data show three-quarters (74.9%) of victims are neglected, 18.3 percent are physically abused, and 8.6 percent are sexually abused. These victims may suffer a single maltreatment type or a combination of two or more maltreatment types. 
■For 2017, an estimated 1,720 children died of abuse and neglect at a rate of 2.32 per 100,000 children in the national population.1

So what is the answer to this dilemma and increasingly saddening state of our Union? This issue can only be combated one child at a time, one family at a time, along with increasing mental health services and drug addiction rehabilitation. If you suspect something, say something. We are all mandated reporters and are protected under the law as long as we are making the report in good faith and not purposely trying to falsely accuse someone. Here is the Child Abuse Hotline number: 1-800-422-4453.  Childhelp is another organization dedicated to informing and assisting those who need to understand abuse or report abuse. Click on this link to the website address: www.childhelp.org

Remember: If you suspect abuse you must call the hotline to report it. If you feel more comfortable calling a school counselor or a police officer, either can help make this call.