Teenagers in Foster Care Should NOT Be Adopted

In a world where kids in foster care are wanting to belong, and people want to show their goodwill by taking in these damaged souls, there are reasons that children in 9th grade and beyond should not be adopted from foster care. I am confident that I am an expert on this topic and I will explain why teenagers in foster care should not be adopted. I have two real life examples to share with you: myself and a girl we had in our care.

Foster teens who are college bound will get FREE tuition after filing the FAFSA (Free Application for Financial Aid), and there are additional transition resources to help pay for room and board (apartments and food), books, computers and transportation. Students must still meet admissions requirements for a four year college, but financial aid will apply to a Community College or accredited Career and Technical institution as well. Follow this link for additional information: 10 Facts Foster Youth Should Know

When I went to college in 1989, I was in a foster home. My guardians loved me very much, but explained to me at the time, "We are not going to adopt you because you can get a free college education." Not being adopted did not make me feel unloved, or that I did not belong in their family. All foster parents who have the perspective of their foster child's future in mind are loving because they are not focused on their own pat on the back for doing a good deed for mankind.

As a second example, we took in a teenager for her 9th, 10th and part of 11th grade school years. She did not want to be adopted, and moved out of our house before she graduated. However, when she was in 11th grade, she had a transition counselor working with her, planning for her life after high school. In Indiana, the Department of Child and Family Services provides housing for teens up to age 21 (with regulations in place- i.e., no drug use, no one else living with them, etc).  Our former student received free tuition, a free apartment, free childcare, and extra living expenses after filing the FAFSA Free Application for Federal Student Aid. As far as we know, she paid nothing for her first year of college.

I do want to insert here that younger children and special needs children SHOULD be considered for adoption because there are a lot of ramifications if they are not adopted when eligible. For one, they are forced to move around from home to home while their case manager tries to find an adoptive home. At a young age, this is developmentally damaging to children. Moving and being insecure can cause mental and emotional damage that could last throughout a lifetime. Being adopted also reduces the financial burden on taxpayers, which is a fact.

If you have questions about financial aid, please go to the FAFSA website or contact a school counselor.

Career & Technical Education (CTE)

Vocational School has come a long way. Those my age and older (I am 46) will remember attending high school and hearing some kids talk about going to vocational school, or the Career Center. The students we knew who attended there were taking classes in Cosmetology, Auto Repair, or Construction (at least those are the three I remember). Today, it is so much more!  Students can take classes in Graphic Imaging, Precision Machining, Radio and TV Broadcasting, Landscaping Design, Health Sciences, Heating and Air - you name it. If you want to get a good idea of what I am talking about, visit the website of the CTE Center close to my school: Area 31

What I really am excited about, is that students who participate in these programs are highly likely to get a job when they graduate if they pass and get all certifications required for their field.  Almost all of the programs at Area 31 are dual credit classes, which means they receive college credit at one of the community colleges who partner with them. This increases students' opportunities for further education and jobs.

I just received a mailing from my state representative in Indiana discussing new legislature and he states that, "A new law aligns career and technical education programs with current and future employer needs to help fill the nearly 30,000 job openings in Indiana."  Our schools are changing their programs to meet the specific needs of employers.  Now we need to recruit for these programs.

I get several calls each year from industries asking if we have students who want to work, and they are willing to train them. Most of these jobs for untrained workers start their base pay at $13 or $14 per hour, which is double that of food service and retail.

A barrier I run into as a school counselor is that more and more of today's students want to work less than 40 hours a week, and they don't really want to work that hard. We are doing our part to try to get students interested in these programs, and my school, Harris Academy, requires all sophomores who attend to apply for CTE classes for their junior year. Next year, approximately 40 of our 170 students will be attending Area 31. I am very proud of our students. The key is to keep giving them the facts and the information about the opportunities that are out there. If we get excited about it, students who are not traditional college bound students will get excited about it too. One language that both young and old understand from birth is money. When students see their earning potential matched with something they like, they will be successful!

Watch The Bad Kids Documentary on Netflix

"The number one reason a student drops out is not having a relationship with a caring adult."

A parent of one of my students recommended the documentary "The Bad Kids".  It paints a really good picture of what our alternative school is like, except these students have a little more socio-economic struggle. The only thing I wish producers had done, was not named the documentary "The Bad Kids." What it really is about, is students who have a lot of aimless talent, who have been trying to overcome life challenges. Many of them hate school and have gotten behind on credits.  It also highlights the emotional toll working and caring for these teens can take on staff members.

All educators and parents of challenging students will appreciate this documentary.  The documentary highlights three or four students in particular and follows them through their time at school.  Most students who attend Black Rock eventually graduate due to the caring staff at Black Rock Continuation High School, as well as their own change of heart and mindset.  There are always a couple of students, who are in the minority, who don't make it, because they can't seem to overcome the mental hurdle it takes to focus on graduation instead of what is going on at home.

This film highlights the students' dire situations without displaying the shocking details. Much of it is in conversation on school grounds and interviews. Some scenes are filmed at the students, houses or at after school gatherings.  This is a great American human interest story.

Here is a link to the movie page and trailer: The Bad Kids  If you have an hour and forty one minutes to spare, please take the time to watch this.  It's inspirational. It highlights successes and failures, and the reality of being a human teenager.

Thoughts on Flying

The desire to fly is an idea handed down to us by our ancestors, who— in their grueling travels across trackless lands in prehistoric times — looked enviously on the birds soaring freely through space at full speed,  above all obstacles, on the infinite highway of the air.     - Wilbur Wright (1867-1912

I don't fly often, but when I do, I am always really, really amazed at the technology and people that have helped us arrive at where we are today. To think that we can fly around the world in a vehicle that won't fall from the sky and follows a path without lines, roads, and visibility, is almost beyond my comprehension. The intelligence that God gave many men and women is not the same intelligence that he gave me!

In flying, there is a different level of trust we have to put in the the pilots, plane, and mechanics who check the planes after every flight (hopefully!).  To think about falling out of the sky is terrifying, but researchers tell me it is safer than driving a car on the road! 

My favorite part of flying is take-off because it is just fun to lean back with the plane, look out the window, and see the patterns of the roads, neighborhoods and clouds in the sky. It's just amazing to me.

Does this really have much to do with school counseling? Not much, but as with anything, I could make an analogy pretty easily. My job is to help students "learn to fly", by encouraging them to take risks, dream, and set goals that seem pretty impossible. Would anyone living in the early 1800's ever think that a person could ride a vehicle in the sky (first flight 1903 in the United States) let alone ride in one on a road (first car in 1879 in the United States)? I wonder how many dreamed of those possibilities before they ever came into fruition? We all have dreams that we sometimes don't act on and before we know it, someone else has taken that opportunity. Being in high school is the perfect place to begin dreaming big and finding a way to make things happen.

The Heroes of the Battle: School Counselor Recognition Month

                                                       

February is National School Counselor recognition.While not wanting to trivialize actual soldiers in war, it often feels like we counselors are in the battle for the souls of children within our care 8 hours a day, and every one of us is a hero, although we would not think of ourselves that way. The Indiana Youth Institute collects data every year of the most serious and prevalent issues our school aged children face.  This year's findings suggested that the top issues in Indiana specifically are: poverty, teen suicide, depression, infant mortality, child abuse, increasing access to weapons, and relationship violence.
The full study can be obtained by clicking here: IYI 2017 Kids Count in Indiana Data Book

With the exception of infant mortality and increasing access to weapons, school counselors deal with the other issues on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis.  At my school I make an average of one CPS phone call, assess suicide, and assist in relationship violence or abuse every 2-3 months, and deal with effects of poverty, depression and relationship abuse on a daily basis. School counselors fight for the healthy minds and well being of our students.  This is on top of other regular responsibilities such as scheduling.

I believe many students, especially middle and high school aged, are suffering from a mental health crisis. I like this definition I found on the internet:

A mental health crisis is a non-life threatening situation in which an individual is exhibiting extreme emotional disturbance or behavioral distress, considering harm to self or others, disoriented or out of touch with reality, has a compromised ability to function, or is otherwise agitated and unable to be calmed.

We can spend a lot of time researching cause and effect, but the truth is, our schools are filled with students who are in constant distress about something. So many things contribute to this: family disturbance, genetic inheritance, social anxieties, academic pressures, relational abuse, and self-medicating practices. As school counselors, we must continue to advocate for a lower counselor to student ratio, social workers in the schools, and resilience to keep learning how to assist without giving up. Our youth are our future and we must continue to celebrate their successes and inspire hope for their futures. Continue to be heroes.

Nicco's Lesson from Probation

 

We have a student at Harris Academy who is a great kid. We enjoy having him and he is a role model for other students. He stays out of the "drama" per se, and is often caught trying to talk reason into some of the students. He recently wrote an essay for his English teacher about a lesson he learned through being on probation.  His name has been changed. I think you will enjoy the following short writing prompt.

 

When was the last time you really challenged yourself? I'm not talking about beating some video game on the hardest difficulty, I'm talking about when you went out and made a difference. When was the last time you did that? Sometimes it can be difficult, I know, but like Martin Luther King Jr. once said, "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." So if you really want to be measured as a good man then do something difficult and meaningful.

When I was on probation, it was by far the hardest six months of my life. Everyone judged me and thought of me as a hoodlum and projected that I would violate probation seven times before I would finally get sent to jail or something. Everyone told themselves they couldn't trust me and that I was a bad person.  The entire six months I had nothing- my dad took my computer, TV, friends, longboard, and I wasn't even allowed to go to youth group. And because of that, everyone thought I didn't stand a chance in this world. Everyone thought I would lose hope and flunk out of school, get stuck flipping patties at McDonald's or something like that, but I pushed through it and now, here (at Harris Academy), I am doing good in school, staying out of trouble the best I can, and passing classes all day every day. Now just think, how do you want to be measured for what you did in times of challenge and controversy? Do you want to be the man who quit? Or the man who rose above and made the best out of his situation?

For example, in "The Fantastic Mr. Fox" when Mr. Fox gets in too deep with the farmers and gets trapped underground, he's prepared to sacrifice himself so that his family and the rest of the innocent animals can get out alive. Then he realizes his nephew Kristofferson got captured by the farmers, and they go on a rescue mission to save Kristofferson. After they save Kristofferson they realize they are still trapped in the sewers and there's no way out alive, but they don't just give up. They start digging "in a very special direction this time" according to Mr. Fox, and they dig and dig until finally they find where the farmers keep all their livestock and cider. They take it all and continue living a happy rich life in the sewers as the farmers await Mr. Fox's return to the surface. Mr. Fox was truly a good fox.

So next time you think somethings too hard for you or you just don't want to do it, remember "the ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." And go above and beyond in whatever you are doing.

A Fish in the Wrong School

I took this picture at random while visiting the zoo this summer. As I was looking through the pictures the other day, I noticed the fish in the middle on the left and suddenly thought about the kids I work with at my alternative school.  Our education system pushes all students in the same direction, and from outside the tank it looks pretty and cool, but on the inside, some of the "fish" know they are not in the right "school."

All of our students come from various backgrounds and no two are alike. One of the upsides of working in an alternative school is I see that kids who come here are unique and different from the school where they felt like a fish out of water.  I recently attended an alternative school forum and got to meet some counselors and administrators from other alternative schools.  One of the things I learned is that all of us who work in alternative schools have the same goals for our students who come there: to help them learn and thrive in the way that fits them best. Isn't that what the Learning Styles movement of the 90's in education was all about? While many teachers work towards this end (and I must brag that our school district does an extremely good job at this), many are still not adjusting to figuring out a student's learning style and many schools across the country have high drop out rates.

So many of our kids who have been with us for awhile (more than 9 weeks) often say they feel at home in our school, our teachers care, and they never want to leave until they graduate. It amazes us how their mindset changes from the first day they arrive. Their attitude is often, "I just want to make up my credits and get back to my own high school." I guarantee that in the last 2 1/2 years, we have only had approximately 3 students go back to their home high school. For most who come, it is a perfect fit.  Our challenges are hefty- often the students are wrapped up in their social world of friends and family and sometimes they fail some classes during their adjustment period, and we often work harder than the students do to move them toward success.  Overall, though, the struggles end up being worth it when students display maturing attitudes, develop a sense of urgency to complete their courses, and ultimately graduate.

Success ultimately lies in building the relationships it takes for students to want to do better.  I am deeply grateful for the alternative school concept and the innovative people who started them.  When students find the right school, they are able to thrive and show their beautiful "fish" colors. (I had to tie in the picture here at the end!)