1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)

April of every year is Child Abuse Prevention month. It is such a difficult topic to talk about. Everyone seems to have their own definition of what it is exactly, and it is such a horrific thought to most of us, that we just put it out of our minds and pretend it doesn't really happen.

It does. Every day. To millions of children worldwide. Recently, U.S. media has covered Sex Trafficking in other countries, but I don't hear much about what is happening in our own country. Locally, we do occasionally hear of a toddler or infant dying at the hands of a drug influenced boyfriend or girlfriend. I admit that I cringe when I hear those stories, and sometimes turn the channel.

From www.childhelp.org: 

Child Abuse in America

Children are suffering from a hidden epidemic of child abuse and neglect. Every year more than 3 million reports of child abuse are made in the United States involving more than 6 million children (a report can include multiple children). The United States has one of the worst records among industrialized nations – losing on average between four and seven children every day to child abuse and neglect.
The top 3 types of abuse are 1. Neglect  2. Physical Abuse   3. Sexual Abuse
http://www.childhelp.org/pages/statistics/

As a school counselor, I alone make 5-6 reports per year to the Department of Child Services, mostly because I am a mandated reporter (we all are), and ANY suspicion of abuse must be reported. The Department then makes the decision as to whether they are going to investigate the case.

There is so much information about child abuse, and the main thing I want to emphasize is to be aware. If you see something, do something. Anyone can and must report suspected abuse. The national hotline is 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453).

Child abuse is a type of cancer. For the person being abused, the more it happens, the more likely great damage will be done for a lifetime.  When we help stop it early, give children the treatment and care they need and deserve, they have a much higher chance of overcoming and surviving- just like cancer.

For more information, you  may also go to www.childwelfare.gov.

Inspiring Minds Want to Know

I have been thinking a lot lately about people who inspire me. There are so many it is hard to pin it down to a few. What is it about these people's qualities that inspires me? There are a few things that I think contribute to who inspires who. Different people inspire different people, but there are some people that inspire many (famous people like Martin Luther King). Here are a few foundational ideas behind people who inspire us:

1. People whose strengths are the areas where we are weak. I admire people who display qualities with ease with which I am not naturally gifted. For example, my principal, Marsha, is very eloquent in speaking. She displays confidence even when she is shaking in her shoes and she shows love even when she has to have a tough conversation with a parent, student, or staff member.  While I am very good at speaking with kids, I stumble over my words sometimes when talking to adults or speaking in front of groups of adults.  I also admire our assistant principals, Amber and Chris, who know how to discipline kids when needed with tact and fairness. I hate it when I have to discipline my own kids and I would much rather avoid discipline in any form!  Athletes and musicians would also fall into this category. We spend a lot of money on sports events and concerts to go watch people who inspire us.

2. People who have overcome great suffering or hardship.  We all love a good human survival story, whether it involves abuse, physical disabilities, terminal illnesses, cancer, wrongful imprisonment, or war veterans.  We often have no idea how much our war veterans truly suffer mentally or physically while serving in a war zone. My nephew Adam was a marine who served in Afganistan and witnessed an IED blow up his vehicle and dismember his friend.

3. People who are heroes.  "Sully," the pilot who made an emergency landing on the Hudson River and saved an entire plane load of people is one recent example.  Another example is those who serve in our nation's military. We often do not even know to what extent they went to in order to secure our freedom or the freedom of others.  My hope is that we each have a personal hero in our own lives, whether it is a parent who raised us well, or someone who actually put their life on the line for us, or reached out to us when we were totally sinking.  One of my heroes is my high school guidance counselor who was there to listen when I was in 10th grade. 

4. People who quietly work behind the scenes to make important things happen.  While most of us crave recognition, there are those who day after day just do their job without complaining and without seeking promotion or reward, often doing work others do not want to do.  Those people inspire me.  My co-workers Rose and Laurie do this every day. It is this last category that I hope that I would be accused of inspiring someone, or maybe overcoming hardship. I have learned a lot and I would rather focus on who inspires me than who I am inspiring, but I think that one of life's goals for each of us SHOULD be to want to inspire someone in some capacity. It may be only one person, but that is enough.

Good Kids Doing Great Things Again

I love posting about good kids doing great things since there is so much negative news all the time. This time I would like to give a shout out to my nephew Evan Smith who helped create a clip for a special needs student's backpack. Follow this link to see the story:

Goshen Students Use 3D Printer to Help Classmate

Cutting and Self-Harm- Who, What, & Why?

I was going to write my own article about cutting and self-harm, and I came across this excellent writing that explains cutting. I hope you will read it and share with anyone who you may know who is struggling with this issue. It is becoming more common with teens and I wish I had all the answers as to why. I know that many teens are feeling alone and sad, but am not sure why. It is more common in girls than boys, but both are subject to it. It is also happening across all socio-economic classes. Click on the link below to see the article.
Cutting and Self-Harm 

People who self-harm are usually not trying to kill themselves. This is probably the number one myth. They usually are trying to deal with some sort of emotional pain, and getting to the root of the issue sometimes takes time. Often when I ask students why they do it, they say they don't know, or it makes them feel better. Sometimes they try it because a friend has tried it and said it helps them feel better.

It is important to get help for self-harm because although it temporarily relieves anxiety, emotional tension, or an outlet for feelings, it can lead to bigger problems later on if not dealt with.

My hope is that by posting this article, it will raise awareness and give friends and family a tool to know how to help someone, or help themselves.

In the Best Interest of Students

When I was going through school counselor education 20 years ago and doing my internship, I dreamed big of what it meant to do what is in the best interest of students.As I have grown into my job, I have learned that others don't always dream the way I do.  I have an intern now and she is just like me in a lot of ways! She is a dreamer and I catch her saying some of the things I did way back then. The state board of education often has different ideas of what it means to do in the best interest of students- of utmost importance is raising test scores!! Why? I am not sure I have a good answer. I do know that my logical side knows that schools have to have some measure of accountability and there has to be standards and rules to ensure that students are being taught. I would like to see a mix of what the state wants with what most of us educators want.

Here is my dream list of "best interest of students":
1. Students would get to take elective classes (band, orchestra, choir, art, etc.) instead of having to replace them with 1 or 2 remediation classes.
2. Every kid would have at least one good friend.
3. Every mediation would end up with both kids liking each other.
4. Department of Child Services would protect every kid I was worried enough to call them about.
5. Middle school kids (especially girls) would have a good self-esteem and never resort to self-harm.
6. Kids would have a chance to be graded more on homework and projects than tests and quizzes.
7. We would have no attendance issues because kids would love to come to school every day.
8. Middle schoolers would get recess every day.

I am fortunate to work in a building where my administrators believe that counselors and teachers act in the best interest of students. Administrators also have to adhere to practices required by the state, and sometimes I don't doubt that they would like to follow their big dreams of making sure each kid enjoys their school experience by not having to always try to bring up test scores. As I sit in case conferences the school psychologists often emphasize that a student's IQ really does not change much over the years, so a student with a low IQ is always going to struggle. So why not let them have some fun elective classes along the way?

I just want to say, that it's OK to dream big for kids, because educators who do that will build relationships and make it fun for students even if they do have to "teach to the test."  I love the teachers and administrators in my building because they do exactly that. We have great morale among the teachers and we have lots of fun days for the kids. My dream now is that every school building would be like the one I work in!

A Little Love Every Day

I am often amazed that when I seem to be having a rough day God brings along someone to brighten it.  Last week a student shared with me that when he goes to college, he wants to have his sister with Down's Syndrome live in the dorm with him. Today, I woke up a little grumpy (blame it on Monday), and thought the day might not be a good one. My principal cheered me up by stopping by to ask how I was doing.

Then at lunch something totally unexpected happened. A little girl walked all the way across the cafeteria to say, "Mrs. Popenfoose, I have something for you." "What's that?" I said, expecting her to pull a picture she drew with love and care out of her folder. Instead she presented me with a little box. "What's this?" I asked. "It's a necklace and earrings."  "For me?!"  "Yes. My aunt said she had too much jewelry and wanted to give me some. I told her I wouldn't wear this and she told me to give it to one of my favorite people. You are my favorite." I almost started crying right then and there. A girl who does not come to the guidance office very often, thought of me when her aunt was dishing out old jewelry. To me, it is a beautiful necklace. She boasted that it had "real diamonds" in it . . . I may never know, but coming from her, they sure are.  I will never, ever forget that gesture in a time of my life that has been very rough with some medical issues I am facing. I wonder if I could wear that necklace in the surgery room next week??

So What Exactly Do Middle School Kids Come to the Counselor For?

I often get asked, "So what exactly DO you DO as a middle school counselor?" I thought it would be fun to list in no particular order some issues I deal with on a daily, weekly or monthly basis.

1. "Someone is talking about me behind my back."  There is a real sense of paranoia in middle school. Everyone thinks someone else is laughing at them or talking about them behind their backs. In reality, probably 50-75% of kids get talked about simply because it's middle school! Everyone is self-conscious about themselves at this age, so the best thing to do is divert the attention to someone else! Isn't that obvious?

2. "I want to drop band (or orchestra)"- Those darn practice records drive away all the potential talent that could possibly make the high school band or orchestra stellar!  The last thing a middle schooler wants is to have to go home and practice an instrument for 30 minutes when they barely know what key to play in and only have a couple of chords to rehearse over and over and over. How boring is that?

3."The teacher took my phone and I need it back"- NEEDing a phone is urgent to every middle school student. It's their social connection to making sure someone likes them.

4. "I got called a name on the bus." - A VERY BAD name. Usually the student has NO IDEA why they were called a bad name. Could it be because they called someone else a name first? I always get both sides of the story. Always.

5. "I lost my . . . backpack . . . my assignment notebook . . . my lanyard . . . my . . . my . . . my."- Losing things is a very natural progression and right of passage to middle school. If a kid exits middle school without losing something, he or she is NOT NORMAL!

6. "Where do I go for detention? Where do I go for clubs? Where do I go to get picked up?"- Being in middle school is SO confusing. It's amazing they make it through the day and find their classes. The building is so big and confusing. Poor kiddos.

7."Why do you have so many absences?"- I have to talk to kids who are absent too much. Of course there are many many reasons and excuses, but middle schoolers really do get sick a lot! Their immune systems are still building up.

8. "What is the deal with these grades?"- It is my job to talk to kids who are getting D's and F's and try to help them figure out what in the world is going on. Most bad grades are due to, yep, refer to #5, LOSING homework!  Those who really do struggle, we filter through our intervention team and get them some help.

I think this is long enough for this time. I will try to think of some other fun stuff to write about my job for a future post. Have a great day. I certainly have a lot of them in middle school!