Sensitive Souls

I wrote the following five years ago, but never posted it. As I re-read it, I thought, "I need to go ahead and put this out there. Someone needs to read it." I have since given up running, but that word can be replaced with biking, walking, exercising . . . etc.

I love to run. I can't run far, but I love to run. There's something about just getting out into the fresh air and taking a quick run around the neighborhood, listening to my favorite music. I do a lot of thinking on my runs. I usually am out for 20-30 minutes at the most, but it's enough time to get by myself with my thoughts and try to talk to God.

Sometimes I wonder why I am running, or what I might be running FROM. On my latest run I was thinking about sensitive souls- people who are conscientious of what others think of them and always take criticism, bad or good, to heart. I lose sleep over things that most people would just say, "If they think that about me, that's their problem."  Other people's comments toward me about my personality or character become my problems.  I was trying to think of a way to explain it to the world, and a word description came to mind. To a sensitive soul, a gentle reprimand sounds like a screaming accusation.

I often get accused of being "too sensitive," and jokes toward me shouldn't be taken so seriously. I should just laugh along with everyone who makes fun of me, because they are just kidding.  Most of the time, I just laugh, and other times, I just walk away so they can't see my expressions.  No one knows how deep the teasing goes, because I just laugh right along with them and pretend to laugh at myself. They don't really mean anything by their joking, and I know that.  To be honest, I don't really know why I am so easy to tease!  I guess I just say silly stuff.

Why am I telling you all this? And what does it have to do with school counseling?  People who have been hurt deeply are often sensitive people.  They learn to be tough on the outside and tough on the inside.  Being tough on the outside is the easy part. No matter how tough I try to be on the inside, there are still things people say that really hurt me, and they have no idea why, so I just keep it to myself.  I often worry that I am going to hurt someone's feelings or make someone mad. If I do make a mistake and say something I think I shouldn't, I always talk to the person to apologize. I'm often met with a comment like, "What are you talking about? I didn't think that was mean at all."

And then I go home and run. I can't wait for the day when I can run through heaven, and never get tired, and not have to stop because my knees are hurting.  And I can run and not have a heavy heart, and all the music I listen to is praise to God for bringing me safely home, passing through a hurting world.
When I meet a sensitive soul at school, I always encourage them to run. "Why?" they ask.

"Because it will make you feel better. Trust me."