This Violence from a School Counselor's Point of View

I have been a school counselor for 20 years now. Stories of violence ebbs and flows, but I must admit this recent outbreak has shaken me. As a lover of all cultures, this deeply saddens me and makes me wonder why we have to go back to the place we were when Martin Luther King Jr. was shot over racial tensions.  The triggers for the actual acts of violence may differ, the but the root of the anger is the same.

I have always had a soft heart for the outcast, the abused, the mentally ill. I was always quick to befriend the foreign exchange student and adopted a multi-racial child.  I know that abuse, family disruptions, and mental health disorders have greatly contributed to abuse and mental illness. I know that when I talk to a student who is angry, I have to give them space and time. That doesn't mean I leave them alone. They often sit in my office or a space in the office until they have had time to diffuse. I often say things to upset students along this line- "We're going to get through this. You're going to be OK. Take a few minutes and get your breath. I  know you are pretty upset right now."

Thankfully, this works in about 99% of the cases. I was shocked one time when a student most of the staff had a good relationship with refused to calm down, tried to start something with the principal, and ended up being escorted out of the building by a resource officer. 

I am here to tell you, that building positive relationships with kids (who turn into adults) works 99% of the time in diffusing the situation and getting the student help. I think my colleagues would heartily agree with me.  The one student out of one hundred that endangers other people with his or her behavior is the one that possibly no one can help. I have seen this type of behavior in both boys and girls.

What can we do? Once again, the answer is not to build more prisons and lock people up. We MUST reach our young people EARLY. This means in the education world- PLEASE stop giving school counselors 600+ students to watch over and care for. We do not sit around and do nothing but schedule!  Like the above statistic, 99% of school counselors are TRAINED and READY to deal with violent student behavior. We are trained to de-escalate situations and to talk students in "kid language," to find resources for them when they are troubled, to do suicide assessments. Please don't judge us by the 1 counselor that didn't do their job and left a bad impression on you.

We are trying to prepare our kids for the future with our character education, counseling, and parent contacts. We KNOW that the students we work with our our future. We love every single one of them. The ones who in our eyes "don't make it," i.e. pursue acts of violence on society, partner abuse, and child abuse, are the ones who are VERY hurt and need resources for PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). I have never worked with a student who was violent who did not have something very traumatic happen to him or her.

So please, if you are concerned about a young person in your neighborhood, call the school counselor. That is a great place to start. We never ignore a concerned call, even if it is anonymous. And if any of us have, I am sorry. Sometimes having a caseload of 600+ students is a bit overwhelming.

All my love to the hurting children who commit acts of violence.