Look Up, Not Down

After a colleague pointed out to me that I sometimes lack confidence in myself, I began to think about what I do that makes me appear nonconfident. I noticed that I often look down at the ground or floor when walking or running, and I caught myself often with my shoulders slumped forward a little bit and not having good posture. What in the world is the reason for that, I wondered? I have always looked down at the road when I run to make sure I don't trip over something and fall or hurt myself. Or so I thought.

I took a jog the other day and I made conscious effort to look up at the sky, houses and trees. The sky was really pretty and I began to wonder how much I had missed out on in life from looking down. I began to think that because of things that happened to me in my younger years, I carried around a sense of  self-defeat, or low self-worth, and I think that looking down just became a way of life for me. 

I have never taken compliments well, although I have learned to respond with "thank you," instead of "nahhhh."  While I work hard to compliment others and smile at passersby and help others feel good about themselves (after all, that is my job!), I'm not sure I always believe in myself and my ability to really make a difference in others' lives.

I want to keep training myself to look up and see the beauty of life and others, instead of the dirty pavement. I want to pass this ability on to the middle school kids I work with. Perhaps if they can learn this habit earlier than I did, they will grow to be strong teenagers and adults who see beauty all around them.

Test Taking Tips

Want some quick, easy tips to follow for test taking?  Here's a great website: http://www.testtakingtips.com/  This website has ideas on how to handle test anxiety, how to study for different kinds of tests: essay, multiple choice, fill-in-the-blank,and tips on note taking.

I don't need to re-type the stuff on this website in my blog, but if you go to the website, you will find many useful ideas. Under the resources tab it has even more little things like stress management, time management, essay writing tips, letter writing tips, . . . .

After the Rain

The drought of the summer of 2012 has only been matched by the drought in the 1980's in my own lifetime. Everything was terribly "dead" outside my house, or so it appeared. Finally, the rains came again in late August and early September. My sister posted some pictures of her leisurely drive, which gave me the idea of going out and taking random pictures around the house. I couldn't believe what had survived the drought. The vegetables had a little help from me, but even so, they looked pretty sickly most of the summer. I think about how the human spirit can be much the same way. Sometimes people appear to be dead, but there's deep life within them, if only they can get enough water and nourishment. The people that don't make it, often don't have deep roots to carry them through their droughts and winters. It makes me terribly sad, but most people do have the desire to "make it," come drought or rain pour. Enjoy the pictures I took around my house as you reflect on your own droughts, and then the rains that brought you back to life.

When Starting School Too Early Catches Up With Kids

At no time is it more apparent of when kids started kindergarten as when they enter middle school- 6th grade.  I can observe a student one time to know if they entered kindergarten early. There is just a natural progression of age that I can tell how old a student is by looking at him/her. I am right 9/10 times I meet a kid and guess what grade they are in.

So when I see a very tiny 6th grader entering middle school, I can almost always tell that they JUST turned 11. This year we started school on August 2nd, so there were several kids who were still 10 when school started! There is much about middle school that is a lot for a small child to take in. The stress on some of the kids' nerves is quite apparent. We have about 3 students right now who can hardly get through each day.  It poses the question, why do parents send their kids so early to kindergarten? Some of them are ready academically, but there isn't much in the readiness tests that measures their emotional stability in a brief overview. School Psychologists can guess all they want, but sometimes it isn't apparent until middle school.

So how do I help these students adjust? Constant communication with parents is definitely a key component. At this point, most parents are not going to come in and try to move their child back to the elementary building. It just isn't going to happen. Think of the embarrassment it would cause an already stressed out student.  I also meet with these students a little more regularly than the other students. I do "check-ins" just to see how it's going. They sort of need a "parent" at school to reassure them that they will get through the adjustment period.

Finally, I rely on the teachers a lot to help the kids along, and in my building we have absolutely wonderful sixth grade teachers who know exactly what the kids are going through, because if they are a seasoned teacher, they see it every year.

It is a passing phase in most of these kids' lives, but is it necessary to send them a year early for convenience when it may be more difficult down the road?  There is no easy answer, of course, but if there's not a reason to send them early, then maybe it would be wise to nurture them at home for one more year.

Shutterfly Photo Book

You will need to go to my blog and look on the right hand side to see the photo album.So my friend sent me a link for a free Shutterfly 8 X 8 photo book ($29.99 value), and all I had to do was pay shipping and handling ($8.55 total). At checkout, a message popped up that said if I post my book tomy own website or blog, I would receive a $10 coupon off my next order if I e-mailed them my link, SO, I am sending you a link to view my photo book from our short summer trip to Holland, MI.   I'm not totally sure we can call it a "vacation," since the water was SOOO cold and we were only there for 5 days, but I guess we can!  Enjoy the photo album

Sharren

Reflections on Blogging

Well, here it is July 6, 2012 and I haven't even begun to reach my blogging goals for the summer. My normal goal is to publish once a month during a regular school calendar year. My goal for the summer was to blog once a week and read lots of parenting and education books and become an online "expert."   Instead, I started thinking about what I really want my blog to be, and I  have it narrowed down to a couple of things.

1. I want to share what's going on in my world as a school counselor, whether it's just journaling thoughts, ideas, struggles, exciting moments, etc.

2. I want to share with parents, students, and other school counselors a few good books or websites on current and relevant topics in school counseling, parenting, and student growth to give some quick ideas on how to handle different issues that come up.

How often I journal is probably not that critical. Most people can probably only handle reading one entry a month, since they also read other blogs, update their facebook status, work, or parent!!

In one short sentence, I think that I can say that experience breeds expertise. When you want to know something about a topic, do you automatically run to the person who JUST graduated from law school, med school, mechanic or business school?  While a degree in something is valuable, it becomes more valuable when the person with the degree gets some experience under his or her belt.  I consider myself a normal, every day school counselor who processes and files every experience so that when students and parents come to me for advice, I have a lot of things to draw upon.  When you face similar situations day in and day out, you learn what works, what doesn't work, what to keep and what to throw away.

I think instead of pressuring myself to become an "expert" in school counseling, I will continue to journal about good books, good websites, and every day school counseling experiences.

We Are 1

I don't think I've ever tried to insert a link to a YouTube video, so I'm going to attempt to do so in this post. I was so proud of my 8th grade class this year, and one of our English teachers, Mrs. Rosebrock (who happens to be a former student of my sister who lives in Northern IN), had a great idea of having students create anti-bullying videos for their last project of the year. The students had to work in groups and create a video that could be used by our school in the fall to promote our school wide anti-bullying expectation. The students submitted videos, and then they were voted upon by classmates and a few select staff (mostly guidance counselors and principals). I don't think I need to say a whole lot about the videos, you just need to watch them. Enjoy!!!
YouTube Anti-Bullying videos by Middle School Students

I seem to disappear from the blog scene the last month or two of school. It's really hard to believe there are only 4 weeks of school left. I'm thick into sending 8th graders off to high school and welcoming the new 6th graders for next year. We have also added a 3rd child to our family, right in the middle of the other two! I now have 3 daughters, 9th grade, 8th grade, and 6th grade. Some day I hope to share the story of how we welcomed our 3rd into the family. It's an exciting story and we are grateful. She has been with us for 3 weeks now, and we are busy with more activities, an extra laundry basket, and a bigger grocery bill. It's amazing how adding one person to the family increases the intensity of everything going on! She has been so easy going and adaptable.  Just today we went to a Latino grocery store and bought stuff to make a traditional El Salvadoran meal, and it was "muy rico!"

I will do some thinking about what I want to write about when I have more time this summer. I'd like to do some research and add a few more resources to my site, or I might just focus on journaling. It's more for that than anything else anyway.  In the meantime, family and friends, enjoy the ride as you finish out the school year with your own teaching jobs, kids, and if you are not in the school loop at all, through the spring and welcoming summer!

Good Kids Doing Great Things #3

A while back, I started posting notworthy items when I saw something about good kids doing great things. This time I wanted to write about our annual middle school 8th grade vs. faculty basketball game. A few years ago I particpated by playing in the game, huffing and puffing down the court. Last year I had broken my shoulder a few months before the game, so I ended up being an announcer, and decided to do the same this year. This year was "my group" of kids playing, both the girls and the boys against the faculty, and for the first time ever that the principal could remember, the kids won.

The reason for the game each year is to raise money for breast cancer research and awareness. Due to our awesome staff advertising the game, they had both a record number of people come to watch, and a record amount of money raised, over $2500.

Wednesday was declared "pink day," and I am including a couple of pink pictures for you to enjoy.

Tween + Texting = Dating

Tween D8-ing: It's All about Texts Click on this link to read an article from The Wall Street Journal on February 7, 2012, by Sue Shellenbarger.

Those of us who work in middle school are not surprised to know that most tweens date via text messaging in middle school. The bolder, more serious relationships are still marked by hand holding, stolen hugs and kisses in the hallway, and handwritten love notes.  Those just trying to find someone who thinks they are "hot" or "cute" or "fun," often do it via texting.

With texting, you can take time to think about a response, and if you find out someone doesn't like you, you can act cool on the phone while crying in your room, and they would never know.

The school handbook states that students can't use their cell phones during the day, but they all know how to secretly use their phones while teachers aren't looking. I've seen kids make excuses to go get homework from their locker and see them texting on their phone while they are "looking for that paper." (And yes I tell them to put it away or it will get taken and parents will have to pick it up in the office) I know some kids take their phone into the bathroom stalls to text, and some just pull it out while the teacher is preoccupied doing something else.

So, in the span of a 7 hour school day, a student can ask someone out, date, and break up without saying a word.

Fascinating, isn't it? Some of us parents might actually breathe a sigh of relief over the new dating trends. 

National School Counselor Week

National School Counselor week was created to increase awareness of what school counselors do and recognize their hard work in assisting students in areas of academics, social awareness and interactions, emotional development, and future careers. 

I am often asked what exactly I do as a middle school counselor, so I thought that in the spirit of the occasion, I would run you through a "day in the life of . . . ME!"

I arrive at school at approximately 7:15 every morning. I unlock my door, drop my purse and keys into a drawer, hang up my coat, put my lunch in the refrigerator, and push the on button to start up my computer. If I have time before morning hall duty, I log into e-mail and get ready for the day.  At 7:22 I head to the 8th grade hallways to watch and greet students as they come in for the day. By 8th grade, the groupings of students are quite predictable. Many students bring in their Starbucks or McDonald's coffee drinks or cokes and try to finish them before the 7:35 bell, or they will be asked to throw them away.

As I am standing in the hall, a few students greet me, but the precious morning free time minutes are usually taken up by wanting to share the newest gossip or previous evening activities with friends. I slip into the closest classroom as the Pledge of Allegiance begins over the intercom.  Once the students are seated and see me standing in the doorway, requests to come talk to me start. This morning it it was a girl who was having a friendship issue. I quickly told her I would try to get her right after my morning meeting. Wednesdays are counselor meeting days.

As I wander back to the guidance office, I greet a few tardy students straggling in from the main office. As I go to my door, I pull the passes off my name plate to see who has already stopped by to sign up.  (OK, I just realized this is getting long, so I'm going to have to speed it up).

I usually see between 6-12 students per day, depending on what meetings I have. Meetings might include team meetings to discuss student behavior or academics, meetings with our assistant principals, parents who want to meet, weekly department meetings, and annual case reviews for special education students.  In the middle of the day is lunch supervision, which is about 45 minutes. I supervise my own grade level, so some students take the time to come talk to me, only to say that they need to see me RIGHT AFTER LUNCH! (Supervising lunch will take a whole blog by itself by the way)

Topics I usually cover in student meetings: friendships, grades, problems at home, conflicts with other students, investigating rumors, high school looming ahead, and schedules among other things.  In between all these meetings and student conferences, I usually have to pour through 30 or 40 e-mails per day from parents and teachers, respond, and return 3 or 4 phone calls.  Oh, and in between all that, I work on projects, like get ready for 5th grade visits, sign students up for 21st Century Scholars (more phone calls), write 504 medical plans, behavior plans, and general education plans, follow up with new students, consult with the nurse on frequent clinic flyers, gather testing data for struggling students, plan for ECA (end of course assessment) exams, prepare for 8th grade scheduling, make CPS (Child Protective Services) reports- average of one per month or so, and . . . . . . .

Hey, it's all in a day's work! Like my blog title says, I Love Being a School Counselor!

The Headphone Phenomenon

There is an interesting phenonomenon in middle schools across the country. It is that of wearing headphones walking into and out of the building each day. If you don't have headphones on, or earbuds in, you are not very cool. Listening to music is a good way to watch others without them thinking you are paying attention, be cool with friends, and is sort of like a baby's security blanket.  As I stand in the hallway in the mornings, it is very interesting to watch how kids interact with each other, especially those wearing the "headphones." (Note: It makes no difference if the music is actually playing, just the appearance of the headphones on your head is sufficient)

Much like fashion "jeans", what type of headphones you have puts you in different social status classes. If you have Dr. Dre's "Monster Beats," (a couple hundred dollars no less), you are definitely part of the elite, untouchables.  If you don't have them, well, you are somewhat scoffed at.

If you own a pair of "skull candy" earbuds, (twenty dollar range),  you are in the middle class and somewhat socially accepted, and if you own just a pair of black no name earbuds (seven dollar range), you might as well go hide in a corner or put them in your locker away from the scathing eyes of your peers.

Some kids are so insecure that they hide their earplugs and ipods in their clothing and have one sticking in their ear up through their hooded sweatshirt. If you aren't looking for it, you might not see it!

Thinking back to my middle school years, I definitely would have fallen into the black, no name, lower class citizen category. I would have been lucky to get a pair from Goodwill that had only one working earbud and a staticy sounding left bud. My parents just didn't care what social class I was in. I wouldn't have wanted a pair of Dr. Dre's for fear of them being stolen or me just masquerading as a rich kid. I would definitely have saved my money from mowing my aunt's lawn to buy a pair of Skull Candy buds.

Actually, now that I think about it, I probably wouldn't have had any earbuds or music device at all.
How about you? What headphone classification do you strive for?

One Day Too Late

When my youngest daughter told me that she was a big fan of the singing group Skillet, I was less than enthusiastic to put their CD in the car stereo. I knew what was going to come out of the speakers. LOUD, BANGING, "MUSIC" that my old ears were not going to enjoy. However, I love to listen to a radio station called KLOVE, and they started playing a few of this band's music, which I'm sure my Baptist pastor growing up would have outlawed in his church saying that any "beat" would immediately throw me into sensual sin. 

Recently, the song "One Day Too Late" started playing on a regular basis, and the first time I heard it, I wanted to call the radio station and say, "PLEASE play that again! I'm not sure I heard it right."  The group has a very distinct sound, so every time I heard their scratchy, smoky voices (I don't really know if they smoke), I cranked up the volume hoping it was this song. I wanted to memorize it. The lyrics by themselves read nicely, but with the music, it is very powerful and moving. Please take the time to listen to my new favorite song.

(Click on the title below to listen to the song)

One Day Too Late
Songwriters: Cooper, John; Howes, Brian;Tick tock, hear the clock countdown
Wish the minute hand could be rewound
So much to do and so much I need to say
Will tomorrow be too late?

Feel the moment slip into the past
Like sand through an hourglass
In the madness, I guess, I just forget
To do all the things I said

Time passes by, never thought I'd wind up
One step behind, now I've made my mind up

Today, I'm gonna try a little harder
Gonna make every minute last longer
Gonna learn to forgive and forget
'Cause we don't have long, gonna make the most of it

Today, I'm gonna love my enemies
Reach out to somebody who needs me
Make a change, make the world a better place
'Cause tomorrow could be one day too late
One day too late, one day too late

Tick tock, hear my life pass by
I can't erase and I can't rewind
Of all the things I regret the most I do
Wish I'd spent more time with you

Here's my chance for a new beginning
I saved the best for a better ending
In the end I'll make it up to you
You'll see, you'll get the very best of me

Time passes by, never thought I'd wind up
One step behind, now I've made my mind up

Today, I'm gonna try a little harder
Gonna make every minute last longer
Gonna learn to forgive and forget
'Cause we don't have long, gonna make the most of it

Today, I'm gonna love my enemies
Reach out to somebody who needs me
Make a change, make the world a better place
'Cause tomorrow could be one day too late

Your time is running out
You're never gonna get it back
So make the most of every moment
Stop saving the best for last

Today, I'm gonna try a little harder
Gonna make every minute last longer
Gonna learn to forgive and forget
'Cause we don't have long, gonna make the most of it

Today, I'm gonna love my enemies
Reach out to somebody who needs me
Make a change, make the world a better place
'Cause tomorrow could be one day too late

One day too late, one day too late
One day too late, one day too late

[ From : http://www.elyrics.net/read/s/skillet-lyrics/one-day-too-late-lyrics.html ]

Until the Bad is Gone

I have been thinking about what to write about this month, and the topic came to me after speaking with a student this past week. We were talking about how she has gone through so much in her short life, and has spent some time in foster homes, and she said something I thought was pretty profound for a 13 year old. She said, "I don't see the good until the bad is gone."

I immediately wrote that down on a piece of paper so I wouldn't forget it. "Is the bad ever gone?" I thought. I decided I must think about this some more and put the piece of paper aside for the day.

There are bad things happening to lots of people every day, and the world will never be rid of the bad. Narrowing that down, I don't believe the bad is ever totally gone from a person's life.  If her statement is true, then the first part must also be true for her. She doesn't see the good.

Is she expressing a feeling that many abused people have but keep it supressed, and then never fully believes that life will be good?  I admit that what I have gone through in my own life has often caused me to feel like people don't really like me, and no one wants to really be my friend.  I know though, that even though the bad is still there, I can see good in my life and in the lives of others. This is because of my faith in God and His ability to trump all the bad in the world.

If a person doesn't have faith, it would be very easy to never see the good.  We can't allow ourselves to "never see the good."  No one has control over all the bad being done, except God. He wouldn't want anyone to live feeling like they can never see the good.  God IS good, and He wants everyone to SEE Him.