Soul Surfer

I had borrowed my neighbor's copy of the movie Soul Surfer, but hadn't found a good time to sit down and watch it yet. I happened to have some extra time on Christmas Day, as we had finished opening gifts and were waiting to join our neighbors for dinner later in the day, so I put it in, plopped in the comfy recliner in the sunroom, and pressed the play button. I was a bit unprepared for the drama, as I figured it would only be emotional during the actual shark attack. As I sat spellbound by the movie, the tears kept creeping to the corners of my eyes as I struggled to hold back the tidal wave I knew would come if any of my family members walked into the room to ask me a question. Thankfully, they left me alone, thinking I had fallen asleep for a nap in the chair.

What is so moving about this movie is that it is SOMEONE'S STORY, and we all have one. When authors and film makers create reality on screen or in a book, we see circumstances and have feelings that we all can relate to. Maybe it also was more emotional for me because I was watching it on Christmas Day when we are all "wrapped up" in getting things for ourselves. It made me appreciate the abundance that surrounds me in this country at all times, and to not feel sorry for myself when things don't go my way.

A movie like this gives me hope in young people. That young people will use bad things that happen to them for the common good~ meaning, they are willing to share their story and make good choices. We all have to go through a time of grieving when we lose someone or something (in this case her arm) that is very valuable to us, and to see that she experienced those stages of grief, picked herself up, and moved on to accomplish great things is empowering.

One of the themes of the story is to never give up on your dreams, and along with that, use adversity as a training tool. If you haven't watched it yet, I highly recommend it. Boys and men might think it a bit sappy, but the story is great.

Pillow People

The first semester of the 2011-2012 school year ended well. Our school began a tradition a few years ago to have "end of semester ceremonies." What this means is, for the last 45 minutes of school on the day first semester ends, and on the very last day of school, everyone in the school comes to the gym for a fun assembly. Usually students are recognized who showed improvement in class (teachers award medals), and student athletes stand to be recognized, and there are some skits, games and/or singing by students and staff.

This years' organizer asked a group of teachers to dress up like Pillow People (you can google them on YouTube), and lead the kids in a couple of songs, Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree and Jingle Bell Rock. It was quite fun, and the students were guessing who was under the pillows. I'm including a picture of myself and one of the other counselors as we said good-bye to students on the way out to the buses that afternoon. It was quite fun saying hi to the kids and have them come up to us and say, "Is that you Mrs. Popenfoose?" or "Who are you?". Mrs. Jones had fun chasing the sixth graders and tried to scare a few of them.

Happy holidays and Merry Christmas everyone!

Reflections on Success by Ralph Waldo Emerson

I must admit that I have not read much of Ralf Waldo Emerson's works, but after stumbling across one quoted in Charles Swindoll's book "Quest for Character," I think I just might pick up one of his books the next time I go to the library. I have heard the first four lines of this poem before, but I don't recall ever hearing the rest, so thought I'd share in case you hadn't heard it either.

My entry today is simply a copy of this excerpt by Emerson:

How do you measure success?

To laugh often and much;

To win the respect of intelligent people

and the affection of children;

To earn the appreciation of honest critics

and endure the betrayal of false friends;

To appreciate beauty;

To find the best in others;

To leave the world a bit better

whether by a healthy child,

a redeemed social condition,

or a job well done;

To know even one other life has breathed

because you lived ---

this is to have succeeded.

Mercy Triumphs Over Judgment

There is a verse in the book of James and it goes like this: "Judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment!"

I am so glad I am in a position where I can show mercy every day. Being a school counselor is one of the easiest jobs in the world, but it can also be one of the hardest! While we have an opportunity to show mercy every day, we also have to find a way to hold kids accountable. When students break rules, they need to have a consequence to try to teach them to not break the rules again. Occasionally something will happen that is not so black and white, and the situation can go either way- should the dean hand out punishment, or should he not?

I am fortunate to work with an insightful dean, who in these cases often lets me be the "warning light" to kids. I have the opportunity to help them understand that their behavior was questionable and give them a "second chance." Sometimes I see students who do not change their behavior and collect discipline logs as a hobby, and I get frustrated with them, but I keep trying to get through to them, somehow. I might not ever really know if anything I say is getting through to them, but on some days my gut feeling is to be merciful, and I would miss out on a blessing if I didn't listen at those moments.

October is Almost Over!

I've been thinking about what to write about this month! I like to put at least one post per month, just to keep up with life! This year's month of October has been extremely busy with 2 girls running cross country at two different schools, so my weekend time to do something for myself has been very limited.

First quarter report cards have just come out, and it has been a very good start to the year for my 8th graders. Out of 348ish 8th grade students, I only have about 20 who are academically at risk. That's pretty good! I have been trying to meet with these students every other week to do "grade checks," and it has been a fun experience. I thought that the boys would dread me calling them down constantly, but I have found the opposite seems to be true with this group! If I go too long between visits, some of them ask me in the cafeteria or the hall, "When are you going to call me down again?" I think it's a secret ploy to get out of class, but I choose to believe it's because they like me. This is my last opportunity to make an impact on them, so I'm going full out this year!

Something fun that the students always enjoy is spirit week. This year studen council added a "Senior Citizen Day" and students really had fun dressing up like the elderly. I will include a couple of pictures to show their creativity. I find that most middle school students really like to have fun, and does it really change as they get older? I would say no. We all like to have fun. Our principal likes to include fun days for staff as well. Each year staff get to dress up in groups for Halloween and have a contest. While I don't like being uncomfortable in a costume, it is fun for a day. I don't get much work done, but it's a nice mental break from all the intensity!

Enjoy the nice fall weather we are having!!

Mid-Term Quarter 1

The 2011-2012 school year has started off much smoother than last year! It is Labor Day, and I thought I would write a few notes before the entire semester gets away from me. Being 8th grade counselor is my favorite middle school year. The students are finally maturing into semi-young adults, and don't do as many crazy, immature things as they did in 6th and 7th grade, but nevertheless, they are still middle schoolers, and crazy things will happen!

I have about 350 students in 8th grade, and I have targeted my "Top 25" to pursue vigorously this year. Not my top 25 in GPA rank, but in reality, the bottom 25 students who are either in danger of failing the 8th grade, or have behavior that would warrant out of school suspension or a trip to the Brownsburg Learning Center for the rest of the year.

I am going to make it a point to meet with them every 2 weeks to check in. We are going to make some goal sheets, and discuss their futures. For a visual reminder, I put a chart up on the wall with their initials, and dates spread out through the year so that I can check off each time I meet with them before the date listed. I think this system will help me stay on top of things, and I will be sure to make parent contact throughout the year also.

I hope they will be ready to enter high school with a chest full of self-confidence, and a determination to get good grades and graduate in the literal "Top 25" of their class! I will be sure to post a report in May!!

Vacation

Summer Vacation has been short but sweet this year. I have a little less than two weeks before reporting for middle school registration. I always say I need a break in May, but by the time August rolls around I am ready to go again!

We had a fun family vacation to the Biltmore Mansion, the place the rich Vanderbilt family built in the late 1800's to early 1900's. It was very fascinating to walk through the mansion and imagine people from that time period bustling around, having fun, and wearing way too many clothes!

We also took a couple of good hikes in the Smokey Mountains. One was Chimney Rock, in Chimney Rock, NC, and the other was in Gatlinburg, TN. It is always amazing to be out in God's creation which is much, much bigger and beautiful than you ever see in books or on the computer.

Over the next couple of weeks I will be thinking about what goals I want to set for the upcoming year and how I can reach those goals without feeling like a failure. When I have some thoughts gathered, I will be sure to write another entry!

Waiting for Superman

I use summer time to try to read books, watch movies, or take classes that will help me be a better school counselor. I finally had a chance to sit down and watch "Waiting for Superman," a documentary regarding our nation's public school systems. I am more disheartened after watching it, and there is no doubt it was intended to create emotional feelings about our schools, and about our nation.

Here are some questions I have after watching this documentary:

Why is it that we have enough doctors to serve every person in America, but not enough good teachers?

Do teachers go into the teaching profession for the wrong reasons?

Why does it seem normal to have lotteries in inner city districts for children to be able to get a good education by getting admitted to a charter school or public/private academy that they have to pay for out of their meager earnings? (Many are single parents!)

Why are public school tax dollars distributed to create charter schools where there are limited spaces, and leave the rest of the children to attend failing schools?

Why is America so far behind other nations? Why don't we go to other countries and try to learn from what they are doing right?

America spends $33,00 per year on a prisoner and $8300 per year on a student.

I'm just not sure I get it. I am convinced that every child is born with an average to high IQ in SOME area. Yes, some kids are born with mental disabilities that prevent them from obtaining a traditional education, but just because a student is born into poverty doesn't mean he or she is born with a low IQ.

And what about parents who have no way to even think about paying for their student to attend a private school or academy, or moving to the suburbs? Their children are automatically doomed to attend a failing school. It is really discouraging.

If I can't be a Superman, can I in anyway be a Wonder Woman?? If I find any answers to my questions, I'll be sure to let you know, but I think my questions will lead to only more questions. My next quest will be to get a hold of "The Bee Eater: Michelle Rhee Takes on the Nation's Worst School District" by Richard Whitmire. That school district, in case you haven't heard, is the District of Columbia in Washington D.C.

It's so frustrating to want to be an agent of change, but not really be able to do much about it. I know, it starts with me, in my own school district. That is why I read about and watch these types of movies. It motivates me to do a check with myself: am I doing ALL I can to advocate for students? Am I doing ALL I can to make sure students I interact with know I EXPECT them to do well? Circumstances are not an excuse to do poorly in school. Period.

And from personal experience, you can overcome terrible life circumstances and be a successful adult. The frustration comes from trying to teach inner motivation to every student. They have to know they CAN put aside their own particular struggles and move on. It's a choice. A hard choice, but it can be done!

What Race Are you Running?

Are you a sprinter or a distance runner? I have enjoyed watching many track meets this spring. Kids choose which events they want to run at the beginning of the season. There are many sprinters, but few distance runners. I wonder why that is?

Sprinters jump out of the blocks ready, with explosive energy, wanting to be the fastest, the best, and wanting the race to be over quickly. Distance runners get a slow start off the finish line, planning their pace to make it to the end. They too want to be the fastest and the best, but they know if they go too fast at the beginning, they won't make it to the end- they'll burn out.

Neither sprinters or distance runners are better than the other. Both have different muscles geared better for sprints or distance. Both work hard in what they do. I have noticed that some people seem to value "sprinters" more in life- always up front with what they want to do and seem to get things accomplished quickly, while "distance" runners often take their time to think through every angle and carefully plan their course. I think each can learn from the other "muscle" group.

We need to be sure we are valuing both types of personalities, because we can learn a lot from each one. Both have the same goal in mind: to make it to the finish line and train to be the best in their event.

In life, pick your race, and strive to be the best, and don't forget to value and appreciate those in the other events.

You Just Know When You Need A Break

Today is the first day of the month of May and the last four weeks of the '10-11 school year. To say this has been an emotionally draining year is an understatement. There have been so many things, and something different each week. I really think I need the summer to process all of this, or maybe to just forget about it!

I am thankful I will have this group of students for one more year as 8th graders. I plan to get my few weeks of rest and go at it full swing in the fall. I have nothing to lose! My mission will be the same- to get to know the students better and to just take one day at a time, helping them prepare for high school as much as is possible.

Will my presence make a dent in their lives? Who knows? It's not really my place to worry about that. My job is to be heaven's heart and hands and leave the rest to God.

I pray the last four weeks of school are filled with joy and sunshine and that my students have a great summer and that we all come back prepared to have a great year!

A Poem by Tykail Mae

I really liked this poem that Tykail (one of my students) shared with me. She gave me permission to put it on my blog. She is a really good writer. She gave me another poem that I may post in the future. I hope you enjoy it. It makes me think a lot about teenagers and the emotions and circumstances they face on a daily basis.
In My Shoes
Put yourself in my shoes
Feel my pain
The dirt, the sorrow, being ashamed
-the ones you loved
-just be confused
Put yourself in my lonely shoes
Do you ever think
When you spit dirt on my name
Blast me out, call me names
Put yourself in my shoes
It just isn’t the same
-Is there a God Is he really real 14 years old,
do you Know how I feel?
Am I pretty
Or just a blob I’m not like the rest
That click, that mob
-Put yourself in my shoes
-I’m nobody, somebody
Mixed emotion
In this young girls’ lobby
-Feel my pain, do you know how it feels
-It’s not the same, yet-
“In my shoes, it’s all real.”

I Had to Laugh

I looked back at a post in February where I said, Snow Days are Good Days, and now I am sitting at home on Spring Break thinking, "Snow Days are Bad Days," as flakes flew listlessly outside my window this morning, and the sun is nowhere to be seen. I have been feeling a bit sorry for myself for not being in Florida with the other 50% of my town, but if I were there, would I be feeling relaxed, or just wondering if I'm going to be stressed coming back home to a house that needs to be cleaned and nothing done at home that I cherish days off for?

I have not had a terrible spring break, other than fighting a cold, but today is better and we still have two days plus the weekend coming up. I have enoyed spending time with my girls and two friends. My friend Rachel is very dear to me~ we met in college, and how we met there is quite another story, but I am so thankful to God for her. While our visits are limited to two a year right now due to both having kids and being caught up in their activities and work, I know that she will always be my friend.

One of my newer friends in the last two years came over today with her small children, and it was fun to just sit and visit with her and be reminded of my girls' stages when they were very small.

The other things I have done so far this week is clean a corner of my garage, make a homemade potato soup, and bake some monster cookies. I love to cook and bake, so having days I can do that are rare, but fun. I may even try to load up a picture of the soup and cookies for you. Do you want some?

Four Thousand E-mails

Wanting to keep my entry lighthearted this time, I thought hard about a topic that still relates to school counseling. While sitting at my school computer, I had an "a ha!" moment. I spend almost 3 hours a day looking at my computer screen and either making phone calls or sending e-mails. The other 4 hours I actually get to talk to kids, attend meetings, and work on various projects.

So, the day I had this idea, I looked in my e-mail "trash" bin. I had 4150 e-mails and the last date I emptied it was on November 23rd. So from November 23rd to February 22, I had 4150 e-mails. So, I decided to break that down. That was 11 weeks of school minus Saturdays and Sundays. That leaves me with 5 work days a week times 11 weeks. So 4150 e-mails divided by 55 work days equals 75 e-mails per day? Could that be possible??!! I walked over to my wall calendar and counted the days, subtracting Thanksgiving and Christmas break. Yep, that's my average amount of e-mails to read per day. If each one averages 30 seconds to read, and 1 1/2 minutes to respond, then 2 minutes per e-mail would be 2 1/2 hours per day spent reading and answering e-mails.

So what in the world could be the content of that many e-mails per day? Luckily some of them I can delete right away. We have a "BBay" listserve (sorta like Ebay), and I can delete those e-mails without reading them (maybe 5 per day average). Those are the easy ones to eliminate. The others are from various school employees and parents (and yes a few from my husband as that's the best way to communicate about the evening activities for the girls). I get e-mails from the Tech Department, the other counselors, my assistant principal, my principal, teachers, and parents~ all of which require a timely response most of the time.

Sometimes I prefer not to answer e-mail, but instead go to the person who sent me the e-mail and talk with them, or pick up the phone and call someone. So, that actually takes MORE than 2 minutes per e-mail, which leads me to my next Math problem . . . .

There Was an "Old" Woman Who Lived in a School

. . . She Had So Many Children, She Didn't Know What to Do!!

I feel like the old woman who lived in a shoe, but unlike her, I refuse to live out the nursery rhyme:

"she gave them some broth without any bread, then whipped them all soundly and put them to bed."

Instead, I'd like to rearrange the words a bit:

There was an "old" woman who lived in a school

She had so many children, she didn't know what to do

She gave them advice, to put in their head

Told them to eat well, and go early to bed.

I know that sounds silly, but I am at my wits end a lot of days with all the requests to come talk to me and not enough time to take care of each one. Unlike the old woman, I want to take care of each of their needs and requests. I don't have a simple solution or answer, when I have 345 students in my care, but I do view the students as my children while they are in the school building. I try to treat them as their parents would expect that I would, and in some cases, I try to treat them better!

There is a recommended ratio of 1 to 250 students, which would help tremendously if each school would follow that guideline, but unfortunately, it is an area where more money would be needed, and in this time of economic crisis, it is actually being taken away. Mental health issues among young people are on the rise and I am at a loss as to what the answer is. I only pray that each parent out there loves and cherishes his/her child so that the child doesn't need to see a school counselor. Idealistic, maybe. Realistic? I would say yes, it is realistic to expect that from parents. Actual? No, I think some parents are too overwhelmed and burdened trying to manage their own mental health that their children's often suffer, even if not intentionally.

For now, I will continue to feel like I have so many children I don't know what to do, and be glad that I have a job to go to every day where I can do what I can!

Snow Days are Good Days

Many in the education world are divided on the topic of snow days. Some would rather not have any, so their year in the spring is not extended. Some take the position that I do~ a snow day a year is good for the mind and soul. At a time when days at school are more hectic and more busy, it's nice to be at home for a day or two to let my mind settle, much like letting dust settle in the attic. When you finally go up there and wipe the dust off, you find treasures you forgot you had.

Giving my mind a rest from the mental energy it takes to spend most of my 7 hour day talking to people (teachers, parents, students, administration, administrative assistants, other counselors, the nurse . . . you get the picture?), is quite a relief.

This year the snow days couldn't have been more timely. I had just come down with the respiratory illness that over 70 students have been calling in absent for each day recently. Did I spend my time cleaning the house because it is always a mess? No. I spent it wandering from room to room doing whatever I felt like doing. I would sit in the sun room and read for awhile, go to the computer and look at Facebook, drink glasses and glasses of hot tea for my throat, and pull out all my scrapbooking paraphernalia (only to discover that my children have aged 4 years in what I thought was only 4 months!).

Yes, it has been a wonderful two days off, letting my mind slip into la la land and not worry about returning a phone call or getting to a meeting on time.

Snow Days ARE Good Days!

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

Business often increases in guidance and counseling offices across the country during the months of January and February. There is no doubt that some people suffer from what is now called Seasonal Affective Disorder, which in summary, is a lack of sunshine in their lives. The days are darker, colder, and just plain miserable at times. Symptoms often mirror those of depression: hopelessness, anxiety, loss of appetite, and oversleeping, among others. Instead of writing about it, I am including a link to the Mayo Clinic, who has a great article about it.
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/seasonal-affective-disorder/DS00195/DSECTION=symptoms

I guess the most important thing to remember if you or someone you know suffers from SAD is that you can get through it. My tips to my students that I talk to are these:
1. Get outside if possible, or sit by a sunny window in the house for a half hour each day.
2. Exercise
3. Get 8-9 hours of sleep each night
4. Read something you enjoy reading about
5. Watch funny TV shows or movies
6. Eat healthy
7. If you like to write, start a journal of your thoughts (or a blog like me!)
8. If you are spiritual, pray for the strength to get through the tough time