Tween + Texting = Dating

Tween D8-ing: It's All about Texts Click on this link to read an article from The Wall Street Journal on February 7, 2012, by Sue Shellenbarger.

Those of us who work in middle school are not surprised to know that most tweens date via text messaging in middle school. The bolder, more serious relationships are still marked by hand holding, stolen hugs and kisses in the hallway, and handwritten love notes.  Those just trying to find someone who thinks they are "hot" or "cute" or "fun," often do it via texting.

With texting, you can take time to think about a response, and if you find out someone doesn't like you, you can act cool on the phone while crying in your room, and they would never know.

The school handbook states that students can't use their cell phones during the day, but they all know how to secretly use their phones while teachers aren't looking. I've seen kids make excuses to go get homework from their locker and see them texting on their phone while they are "looking for that paper." (And yes I tell them to put it away or it will get taken and parents will have to pick it up in the office) I know some kids take their phone into the bathroom stalls to text, and some just pull it out while the teacher is preoccupied doing something else.

So, in the span of a 7 hour school day, a student can ask someone out, date, and break up without saying a word.

Fascinating, isn't it? Some of us parents might actually breathe a sigh of relief over the new dating trends. 

National School Counselor Week

National School Counselor week was created to increase awareness of what school counselors do and recognize their hard work in assisting students in areas of academics, social awareness and interactions, emotional development, and future careers. 

I am often asked what exactly I do as a middle school counselor, so I thought that in the spirit of the occasion, I would run you through a "day in the life of . . . ME!"

I arrive at school at approximately 7:15 every morning. I unlock my door, drop my purse and keys into a drawer, hang up my coat, put my lunch in the refrigerator, and push the on button to start up my computer. If I have time before morning hall duty, I log into e-mail and get ready for the day.  At 7:22 I head to the 8th grade hallways to watch and greet students as they come in for the day. By 8th grade, the groupings of students are quite predictable. Many students bring in their Starbucks or McDonald's coffee drinks or cokes and try to finish them before the 7:35 bell, or they will be asked to throw them away.

As I am standing in the hall, a few students greet me, but the precious morning free time minutes are usually taken up by wanting to share the newest gossip or previous evening activities with friends. I slip into the closest classroom as the Pledge of Allegiance begins over the intercom.  Once the students are seated and see me standing in the doorway, requests to come talk to me start. This morning it it was a girl who was having a friendship issue. I quickly told her I would try to get her right after my morning meeting. Wednesdays are counselor meeting days.

As I wander back to the guidance office, I greet a few tardy students straggling in from the main office. As I go to my door, I pull the passes off my name plate to see who has already stopped by to sign up.  (OK, I just realized this is getting long, so I'm going to have to speed it up).

I usually see between 6-12 students per day, depending on what meetings I have. Meetings might include team meetings to discuss student behavior or academics, meetings with our assistant principals, parents who want to meet, weekly department meetings, and annual case reviews for special education students.  In the middle of the day is lunch supervision, which is about 45 minutes. I supervise my own grade level, so some students take the time to come talk to me, only to say that they need to see me RIGHT AFTER LUNCH! (Supervising lunch will take a whole blog by itself by the way)

Topics I usually cover in student meetings: friendships, grades, problems at home, conflicts with other students, investigating rumors, high school looming ahead, and schedules among other things.  In between all these meetings and student conferences, I usually have to pour through 30 or 40 e-mails per day from parents and teachers, respond, and return 3 or 4 phone calls.  Oh, and in between all that, I work on projects, like get ready for 5th grade visits, sign students up for 21st Century Scholars (more phone calls), write 504 medical plans, behavior plans, and general education plans, follow up with new students, consult with the nurse on frequent clinic flyers, gather testing data for struggling students, plan for ECA (end of course assessment) exams, prepare for 8th grade scheduling, make CPS (Child Protective Services) reports- average of one per month or so, and . . . . . . .

Hey, it's all in a day's work! Like my blog title says, I Love Being a School Counselor!

The Headphone Phenomenon

There is an interesting phenonomenon in middle schools across the country. It is that of wearing headphones walking into and out of the building each day. If you don't have headphones on, or earbuds in, you are not very cool. Listening to music is a good way to watch others without them thinking you are paying attention, be cool with friends, and is sort of like a baby's security blanket.  As I stand in the hallway in the mornings, it is very interesting to watch how kids interact with each other, especially those wearing the "headphones." (Note: It makes no difference if the music is actually playing, just the appearance of the headphones on your head is sufficient)

Much like fashion "jeans", what type of headphones you have puts you in different social status classes. If you have Dr. Dre's "Monster Beats," (a couple hundred dollars no less), you are definitely part of the elite, untouchables.  If you don't have them, well, you are somewhat scoffed at.

If you own a pair of "skull candy" earbuds, (twenty dollar range),  you are in the middle class and somewhat socially accepted, and if you own just a pair of black no name earbuds (seven dollar range), you might as well go hide in a corner or put them in your locker away from the scathing eyes of your peers.

Some kids are so insecure that they hide their earplugs and ipods in their clothing and have one sticking in their ear up through their hooded sweatshirt. If you aren't looking for it, you might not see it!

Thinking back to my middle school years, I definitely would have fallen into the black, no name, lower class citizen category. I would have been lucky to get a pair from Goodwill that had only one working earbud and a staticy sounding left bud. My parents just didn't care what social class I was in. I wouldn't have wanted a pair of Dr. Dre's for fear of them being stolen or me just masquerading as a rich kid. I would definitely have saved my money from mowing my aunt's lawn to buy a pair of Skull Candy buds.

Actually, now that I think about it, I probably wouldn't have had any earbuds or music device at all.
How about you? What headphone classification do you strive for?

One Day Too Late

When my youngest daughter told me that she was a big fan of the singing group Skillet, I was less than enthusiastic to put their CD in the car stereo. I knew what was going to come out of the speakers. LOUD, BANGING, "MUSIC" that my old ears were not going to enjoy. However, I love to listen to a radio station called KLOVE, and they started playing a few of this band's music, which I'm sure my Baptist pastor growing up would have outlawed in his church saying that any "beat" would immediately throw me into sensual sin. 

Recently, the song "One Day Too Late" started playing on a regular basis, and the first time I heard it, I wanted to call the radio station and say, "PLEASE play that again! I'm not sure I heard it right."  The group has a very distinct sound, so every time I heard their scratchy, smoky voices (I don't really know if they smoke), I cranked up the volume hoping it was this song. I wanted to memorize it. The lyrics by themselves read nicely, but with the music, it is very powerful and moving. Please take the time to listen to my new favorite song.

(Click on the title below to listen to the song)

One Day Too Late
Songwriters: Cooper, John; Howes, Brian;Tick tock, hear the clock countdown
Wish the minute hand could be rewound
So much to do and so much I need to say
Will tomorrow be too late?

Feel the moment slip into the past
Like sand through an hourglass
In the madness, I guess, I just forget
To do all the things I said

Time passes by, never thought I'd wind up
One step behind, now I've made my mind up

Today, I'm gonna try a little harder
Gonna make every minute last longer
Gonna learn to forgive and forget
'Cause we don't have long, gonna make the most of it

Today, I'm gonna love my enemies
Reach out to somebody who needs me
Make a change, make the world a better place
'Cause tomorrow could be one day too late
One day too late, one day too late

Tick tock, hear my life pass by
I can't erase and I can't rewind
Of all the things I regret the most I do
Wish I'd spent more time with you

Here's my chance for a new beginning
I saved the best for a better ending
In the end I'll make it up to you
You'll see, you'll get the very best of me

Time passes by, never thought I'd wind up
One step behind, now I've made my mind up

Today, I'm gonna try a little harder
Gonna make every minute last longer
Gonna learn to forgive and forget
'Cause we don't have long, gonna make the most of it

Today, I'm gonna love my enemies
Reach out to somebody who needs me
Make a change, make the world a better place
'Cause tomorrow could be one day too late

Your time is running out
You're never gonna get it back
So make the most of every moment
Stop saving the best for last

Today, I'm gonna try a little harder
Gonna make every minute last longer
Gonna learn to forgive and forget
'Cause we don't have long, gonna make the most of it

Today, I'm gonna love my enemies
Reach out to somebody who needs me
Make a change, make the world a better place
'Cause tomorrow could be one day too late

One day too late, one day too late
One day too late, one day too late

[ From : http://www.elyrics.net/read/s/skillet-lyrics/one-day-too-late-lyrics.html ]

Until the Bad is Gone

I have been thinking about what to write about this month, and the topic came to me after speaking with a student this past week. We were talking about how she has gone through so much in her short life, and has spent some time in foster homes, and she said something I thought was pretty profound for a 13 year old. She said, "I don't see the good until the bad is gone."

I immediately wrote that down on a piece of paper so I wouldn't forget it. "Is the bad ever gone?" I thought. I decided I must think about this some more and put the piece of paper aside for the day.

There are bad things happening to lots of people every day, and the world will never be rid of the bad. Narrowing that down, I don't believe the bad is ever totally gone from a person's life.  If her statement is true, then the first part must also be true for her. She doesn't see the good.

Is she expressing a feeling that many abused people have but keep it supressed, and then never fully believes that life will be good?  I admit that what I have gone through in my own life has often caused me to feel like people don't really like me, and no one wants to really be my friend.  I know though, that even though the bad is still there, I can see good in my life and in the lives of others. This is because of my faith in God and His ability to trump all the bad in the world.

If a person doesn't have faith, it would be very easy to never see the good.  We can't allow ourselves to "never see the good."  No one has control over all the bad being done, except God. He wouldn't want anyone to live feeling like they can never see the good.  God IS good, and He wants everyone to SEE Him.

Soul Surfer

I had borrowed my neighbor's copy of the movie Soul Surfer, but hadn't found a good time to sit down and watch it yet. I happened to have some extra time on Christmas Day, as we had finished opening gifts and were waiting to join our neighbors for dinner later in the day, so I put it in, plopped in the comfy recliner in the sunroom, and pressed the play button. I was a bit unprepared for the drama, as I figured it would only be emotional during the actual shark attack. As I sat spellbound by the movie, the tears kept creeping to the corners of my eyes as I struggled to hold back the tidal wave I knew would come if any of my family members walked into the room to ask me a question. Thankfully, they left me alone, thinking I had fallen asleep for a nap in the chair.

What is so moving about this movie is that it is SOMEONE'S STORY, and we all have one. When authors and film makers create reality on screen or in a book, we see circumstances and have feelings that we all can relate to. Maybe it also was more emotional for me because I was watching it on Christmas Day when we are all "wrapped up" in getting things for ourselves. It made me appreciate the abundance that surrounds me in this country at all times, and to not feel sorry for myself when things don't go my way.

A movie like this gives me hope in young people. That young people will use bad things that happen to them for the common good~ meaning, they are willing to share their story and make good choices. We all have to go through a time of grieving when we lose someone or something (in this case her arm) that is very valuable to us, and to see that she experienced those stages of grief, picked herself up, and moved on to accomplish great things is empowering.

One of the themes of the story is to never give up on your dreams, and along with that, use adversity as a training tool. If you haven't watched it yet, I highly recommend it. Boys and men might think it a bit sappy, but the story is great.

Pillow People

The first semester of the 2011-2012 school year ended well. Our school began a tradition a few years ago to have "end of semester ceremonies." What this means is, for the last 45 minutes of school on the day first semester ends, and on the very last day of school, everyone in the school comes to the gym for a fun assembly. Usually students are recognized who showed improvement in class (teachers award medals), and student athletes stand to be recognized, and there are some skits, games and/or singing by students and staff.

This years' organizer asked a group of teachers to dress up like Pillow People (you can google them on YouTube), and lead the kids in a couple of songs, Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree and Jingle Bell Rock. It was quite fun, and the students were guessing who was under the pillows. I'm including a picture of myself and one of the other counselors as we said good-bye to students on the way out to the buses that afternoon. It was quite fun saying hi to the kids and have them come up to us and say, "Is that you Mrs. Popenfoose?" or "Who are you?". Mrs. Jones had fun chasing the sixth graders and tried to scare a few of them.

Happy holidays and Merry Christmas everyone!