Sweet Aunt Nancy

My Aunt Nancy may never know how truly special she is to me. I know she is special to a lot of people, but I want to share why she is such a special person. Aunt Nancy is 80 years old, exactly twice my age. She has been around ever since I was born!

From as far back as I can remember, Aunt Nancy has taken the place of a grandparent in my mind. She bought me my very first bike (new and not a hand me down!). I am getting side tracked. Buying me things is not why she is special to me!

Aunt Nancy and her former husband, Uncle Stan, know the value of work. When I was about 10 I started doing chores for them when I went over to their house, and they would pay me a fair price for my labor, although I think they stuck in a few extra bucks just for me! I remember vividly scraping paint on their porch and painting it again. I think they had their porch scraped and painted twice a year. Once by me and my sisters, and once by our cousins, just so they could teach us principles of hard work and earning a living. They also paid us for mowing the lawn, which I think may have been mowed every day of the summer for all I know! They taught me to operate a riding lawn mower by the time I was 12, and I really enjoyed that. I also raked a lot of twigs and leaves around the yard.

Aunt Nancy is also special because she always stocked her refrigerator with cheese and sodas, and her cabinets with twinkies so we would always have a treat to eat when we visited. She is a very generous lady and always thinks the best about everyone (well, almost everyone!). She gives, and gives, and gives and doesn't ask for much in return.

Aunt Nancy is a great crocheter (if that is a word). She gave me an afghan when I was younger that I will always treasure. I hope that when Aunt Nancy leaves this earth, I can be as special to someone else as she is to me.

"Thanks for Listening"

I didn't start thinking about my thanksgiving list much until after Thanksgiving Day this year. In my head I kept thinking, "I need to sit down and write a list of everything this year that I am thankful for." My thoughts didn't make it past my head and onto paper, or in this case, the computer. So, I am writing it now. I have already mentioned in previous blogs that this is one of my toughest years ever as a school counselor. There is much happening in the lives of people, families, kids, and the world.
I actually came back to school on Monday a little melancholy, thinking as I was supervising in the loud, boisterous cafeteria, that maybe I wasn't cut out to be a middle school counselor. Maybe I should think about doing something else in the near future. It just seemed like middle school kids get annoying with their pestering habits, and was I really making ANY difference with ANY of them?
Well, funny thing. About as soon as I got back to my office from lunch, a student came in and asked to speak with me. It was a boy, and boys rarely take any initiative in even getting close to the guidance counselor's office unless sent for. We talked, and I found out some interesting things about this student, and discovered he was carrying a heavy load of worry in his mind about his family. The next day, he came back again, and I was pretty shocked that he would want to come back and talk to me 2 days in a row! He wasn't a behavior problem at all, he wasn't falling apart, he just needed to talk. As he left, I said, "Thanks for coming and sharing with me. I'm sure that took a lot of courage. Sometimes it's good to get things off your chest." And he said, "Thanks for listening." Wow, thank you Lord for giving me a middle schooler to talk to right when I thought I wasn't needed! So, my Thanksgiving list? 1. Middle School students who need someone to listen to them.

Community

Co-mu-ni-ty: a social group of any size whose members reside in a specific locality, share government, and often have a common cultural and historical heritage.

If you have ever moved from one city or state to another, you know that every place has a different feel, or culture to it. Each state has it's own place in history, and in a sense, has it's own identity. If you work in a school in a community, you really get the sense of what is going on in the local community by getting to know kids and family.

Working in a school we are often told by fellow educators to "not take the students problems home with us," but in reality, there is not really a way to separate them from our minds when we invest so much time and energy into them during the school day. I think most teachers will tell you there are many times they go home and think about their students and all that they are dealing with.

Today is one of those days for me. I have some students in real crisis right now. Mary, whose name I can use because she is on many prayer chains, is struggling to survive at Peyton Manning's Children's Hospital after a sudden illness. I am very worried about Mary. She is part of my school community and I care about her family and what happens to her. I am not sure I would want to live in isolation from my community. We are all called on to help and support each other.

This year has proven to be my toughest emotional year yet with all the things this group of students is struggling with. I know I am here for a reason, and I have to believe it's to help these kids and families. It keeps me going every day, even though at times, it is hard.

Whatever you are struggling with right now, please remember, you are stronger than you think you are, and there is someone in your community who needs YOU.

Fall Break

1/4th of the year is over, wow! When I got home today, looking forward to fall break, the sun was out and there were a few things in bloom around the yard, so I took my camera out to see if I could get any photos. It's amazing that in mid to late October, things are still blooming and thriving. I have a spindly tree in my yard and I wondered if it would survive the winter. Sometimes I look at people on the outside and I wonder how they can survive the winters in their lives because they look so fragile and weak. The tree reminded me that it has deep roots, and will soak up the winter snow when it melts in March, and so too, people can survive their winters if they develop deep roots in the spring and summer, which can soak up the winter snow and cause new growth and deeper roots in the spring. Enjoy the fall weather while you can, and get ready for winter, because it will come whether we try to wish it away or not!

Champions

As I promised, I said I would write about great kids doing great things, and not always focus on the burdens of counseling middle schoolers! It is a great privilege to live and work in the same community, and also to have kids in the same school system. There is a real sense of family everywhere I go, and I am so proud to be where I am!
A great joy I have is to be able to watch my daughter participate in the middle school cross country program. Today was a beautiful fall day to have a conference championship race among 8 teams. Both our boys and our girls won team first places! It is so fun to be out and watching them have great attitudes and great sportsmanship, and to be able to talk with other parents who are passionate about their kids.
I know that having a child in a sport forces me out to the community where I may not otherwise always go. For example, cross country is one of many sports going on, and I only get to sample a tidbit of how many kids are involved in something as positive as a sport. Sports sometimes get a bad rap by non-athletes, but those students also participate in other things that maybe athletes do not, such as band, orchestra, choir, art club . . . you get the idea.
I am just so thankful to live in a country where kids can go out and play without fear, and with safe equipment. Sports definitely builds character, pride, and self-worth.

I Need to Get Organized!

If there's one thing I hate about leaving at the end of the day is that my desk is a total mess. I've started about 19 "to do" lists (OK, maybe just 1, and about 18 sticky notes all around my desk and computer area with other items "to do" on them). What complicates the issue is that I have a nice LONG counter right behind my chair where piles of stuff keep accumulating because I need to get them off my desk calendar so I can actually see if I'm supposed to have appointments or not each day. Yes, we have modern technology of having a calendar engrained along with our e-mail program, but it doesn't always cooperate and send me 5 minute warnings before my next appointment. It seems like I alert the tech person every other month to come "fix" this so I get notifications, then when I shut my computer down for the night and then start it the next morning, there are no dinging reminders for me and I wait another two months so I can stop annoying the tech person. Thus, I really need my desk calendar which is my old faithful. Like a dog, it can never be replaced by a robot.
There is one more messy area in my office: my bookshelf. I pride myself on having lots of books on lots of helpful topics, and have gathered 30+ books on topics that I really want to read up on and be knowledgeable about, so when parents call me I can have JUST the right answer for them. The problem is, I have kids to talk to all day long, and tasks to do, and when I take books home, they get put in the, "I need to take that to school pile," and then they end up back in my office and on my bookshelf (as if I have the luxury of using work time for READING).
I could start in on how many binders I have for each acronym I'm on, like RtI, SPED, ENL, ENCORE, 504 . . . (If you're not a counselor in Indiana you probably have no idea what some of those are) . . . but I better not start in on trying to organize binders and folders, that would take me all night!

It's Not Slowing Down!

We're coming to the end of week #4, and it's not slowing down for me. Not one single bit. Surprisingly, I have not lost my energy or gotten sick, even though some days I am very tired when I finally plop into bed. I figured the best way for me to be a good counselor is to leave at the end of the day (in a timely manner), just drop whatever I was working on, go home, not think about my job, and get myself into bed at a decent time. If I do this and get sleep and exercise, I find that I can go at a fast pace each day and do as much as I can without burning out.
I hope this will last all year, and if things are not going to slow down, I hope I have the stamina to do the best job I can each day in the amount of time I have.
Ask me in May how that's working out for me . . .

A Loss For Words

In my previous entry as I was anticipating the start of a new school year I asked that God help me be his hands, feet and heart this year. So far, He has not let me down! As I thought about what my first entry of the school year would be, I struggled with my thoughts. I want my journal entries to reflect the job of a school counselor, but I don't want the reader to misunderstand what I am trying to say. I don't want specific examples of students and their situations to be a generalization of the entire school population.

It has been a very emotionally draining start to the school year, probably the most in my 15 years as a school counselor. Usually this sort of emotional drain starts more like January or February, but the onset has been early this year. Indicative of the rest of the school year? I have no idea.

Let me summarize some of what has happened in the first two weeks without being too specific. A student whose brother died over the summer comes for a daily check in, to make sure someone is there for her, a student is awaiting her mom's last breath from a terrible bout of cancer, a couple of students have had some things happen in their lives for which I had to make a CPS report, some parents have come in to meet with me about their children's medical issues for which they are concerned and want to make sure their children have the proper school support, a student's relative is found dead not too long after returning from service in Iraq, a student's parent has a life threatening surgery the first day of school.

I could probably go on if I sit here long enough to think about it. I wouldn't trade this job for anything right now, because I sense that I have a lot to learn this year, and hopefully God will give me the strength to give each child or family whatever it is that I am able to give.

Don't forget there are a lot of good students who do great things, and I will be sure to have some postings about them this year, so keep reading!

Goals 2010-2011

It's always good to have goals at the start of a new school year. It's sort of like New Years' resolutions in August. I love being a school counselor, but I am always trying to think of ways to be a BETTER school counselor.

Last year I had a goal of trying to reach out to some of the boys in my grade so that I could try to build a positive relationship with them through the next 3 years. I know that it is very hard sometimes for females to gain the respect and trust of at risk boys, but I always aim to try, if you know what I mean. Who can blame them for not wanting to trust a "counselor." I mean, it's so embarrassing to get the "blue pass" from the counselor! Since I know this about boys (and girls), I also make it a goal every year to make the first visit with me a sort of fun, get to know me/you visit. I have lots of fun things in my office and I try to work on building that relationship right away, so that they know I am trying to understand them and will trust me more when they get into BIG trouble at school.

Back to my goal of reaching these at risk boys. I sort of made that goal last school year. I was very frustrated at times because I had many 6th grade boys get into trouble and end the year on behavior plans. Most of those boys spent a good deal of time with me, as I tried to build that relationship while also showing them videos and discussing proper behavior, and anger management, and study skills. Sooo, my challenge is going to be to build on that goal this year~ to seek a new way of talking through issues and getting the boys to understand that the best time to make changes in attitudes and behavior is now, and that whatever they do now can affect their future in high school, both the good aspects and the bad.

I'm sure I will not be disappointed this year. I always try to take the time each year to ask God (at least once!) to bring kids and parents to my office who need a touch of His love.

Summary of goals: to love the kids more, and to help them move towards positive behavior changes in their lives.

His Hands, His Feet, His Heart

When you live and work in the same community, you are bound to know someone, or know someone who knows someone, when a sad event happens. When you work in the school system, you tend to know even more people from having so many families' children attend the school over the years. I have been in this town now for 7 school years. Each year there is some sort of tragedy that affects a big portion of the school community.

This past year a young man at our other middle school died in a house fire, a dad of another student died suddenly of a heart attack, and several other things happened. Over the last 15 years I have had probably 5 or 6 students, or former students, pass away. I have had that many other students who have lost a parent, and numerous kids lose their beloved grandparents each year.

This summer has been no exception. I just returned from a calling for a mom of a girl I had for four years who just passed away. Two weeks ago her younger sister died in a car accident right here in our town at a main intersection. I had her as a student for two years at the high school.
Two days after Katy's car accident, the older brother of one of my middle school students this past year died in a tragic accident in a friends' driveway. He fell off the back of the car and hit his head.
I was comforted to know that both of these young people's organs were donated to save other peoples lives so they can spend more time on earth with their loved ones.
I write this entry to say that I am constantly tryng to figure out how I can be an encouragmeent to students and their families when they go through these tough trials. God has called me to this career in order to be His hands and feet, and His heart. Sometimes I am frustrated if I don't feel like I am doing or saying enough to help. I just have to be aware of the needs around me and offer assistance whenever I can and show God's love as much as possible. I believe that is true for every one of us in our sphere of influence, we all come into contact with people every day. Are we doing what we can to show God's love and be His Hands and His Feet and His Heart?

New Look for My Blog

I changed the design of my blog and look forward to spending some time researching and adding to my helpful tabs at the top.

I hope everyone is having a great start to the summer. I am enjoying a much needed rest from middle school, and enjoying spending time with my two daughters.

Chores for the Bored

Beating the summer boredom onset is a tough challenge. We give our kids extra things they must do each day to earn fun time at the neighborhood pool as well as TV time. For example, they have to pick up their clothes in their room and bathroom, read for 30 minutes, help with dinner preparation or clean up depending on their day, and do basic morning stuff, like actually change out of pajamas (ashamed to say I must put that on a list), comb hair, and brush teeth.

A friend posted this article on her FaceBook and I thought it was very relevant:

http://community.todaymoms.com/_news/2010/06/03/4456617-five-secrets-to-stop-the-entitlement-epidemic

This article posted on the Today Show website is really good. Has great tips for helping your children appreciate what they have by giving them responsibilities around the house. We have tried this at our house and it works really well! Now that summer is here, we are starting our summer activities full swing!
Our kids will also lose money depending on how well they complete their "chores" (yes, I still like that word) each week.

Another Case of "When Good Kids Do Great Things"(click on title to see pictures)

For love of the game

By Rick Reilly
ESPN.com
Archive

Marshall softball players Antanai Coleman, left, and Taylor Stigger try on catching gear with the help of Roncalli junior varsity coach Jeff Traylor.

We live in a world where Peyton Manning walks off the Super Bowl field without shaking anybody’s hand. Where Tiger Woods leaves the Masters without a word of thanks to the fans or congratulations to the winner. Where NFL lineman Albert Haynesworth kicks a man’s helmetless head without a thought.

So if you think sportsmanship is toast, this next story is an all-you-can-eat buffet to a starving man.

It happened at a junior varsity girls’ softball game in Indianapolis this spring. After an inning and a half, Roncalli was womanhandling inner-city Marshall Community. Marshall pitchers had already walked nine Roncalli batters. The game could’ve been 50-0 with no problem.

Yes, a team that hadn’t lost a game in 2½ years, a team that was going to win in a landslide purposely offered to declare defeat. Why? Because Roncalli wanted to spend the two hours teaching the Marshall girls how to get better, not how to get humiliated.

It’s no wonder. This was the first softball game in Marshall history. A middle school trying to move up to include grades 6 through 12, Marshall showed up to the game with five balls, two bats, no helmets, no sliding pads, no cleats, 16 players who’d never played before, and a coach who’d never even seen a game.

One Marshall player asked, “Which one is first base?” Another: “How do I hold this bat?” They didn’t know where to stand in the batter’s box. Their coaches had to be shown where the first- and third-base coaching boxes were.

That’s when Roncalli did something crazy. It offered to forfeit.

Yes, a team that hadn’t lost a game in 2½ years, a team that was going to win in a landslide purposely offered to declare defeat. Why? Because Roncalli wanted to spend the two hours teaching the Marshall girls how to get better, not how to get humiliated.

“The Marshall players did NOT want to quit,” wrote Roncalli JV coach Jeff Traylor, in recalling the incident. “They were willing to lose 100 to 0 if it meant they finished their first game.” But the Marshall players finally decided if Roncalli was willing to forfeit for them, they should do it for themselves. They decided that maybe — this one time — losing was actually winning.

That’s about when the weirdest scene broke out all over the field: Roncalli kids teaching Marshall kids the right batting stance, throwing them soft-toss in the outfield, teaching them how to play catch. They showed them how to put on catching gear, how to pitch, and how to run the bases. Even the umps stuck around to watch.

“One at a time the Marshall girls would come in to hit off of the [Roncalli] pitchers,” Traylor recalled. “As they hit the ball their faces LIT UP! They were high fiving and hugging the girls from Roncalli, thanking them for teaching to them the game.”

This is the kind of thing that can backfire with teenagers — the rich kids taking pity on the inner-city kids kind of thing. Traylor was afraid of it, too.

“One wrong attitude, one babying approach from our players would shut down the Marshall team, who already were down,” wrote Traylor. “But our girls made me as proud as I have ever been. … [By the end], you could tell they were having a blast. The change from the beginning of the game to the end of the practice was amazing.”

Roncalli High School’s girls’ softball team demonstrated true compassion to Marshall High.

Roncalli wasn’t done. Traylor asked all the parents of his players and anybody else he knew for more help for Marshall — used bats, gloves, helmets, money for cleats, gloves, sliders, socks and team shirts. They came up with $2,500 and worked with Marshall on the best way to help the program with that money. Roncalli also connected Marshall with former Bishop Chatard coach Kim Wright, who will advise the program.

“We probably got to some things 10 years quicker than we would have had without Roncalli,” says Marshall principal Michael Sullivan.

And that was just the appetizer. A rep from Reebok called Sullivan and said, “What do you need? We’ll get it for you.” A man who owns an indoor batting cage facility has offered free time in the winter. The Cincinnati Reds are donating good dirt for the new field Marshall will play on.

“This could’ve been a thing where our kids had too much pride,” says Sullivan. “You know, ‘I’m not going to listen to anybody.’ But our kids are really thirsty to learn.”

And they are. Marshall never won a game, but actually had leads in its last three games. In fact, it went so well, the players and their parents asked if they could extend the season, so they’re looking to play AAU summer softball.

Just a thought: Major League Baseball is pulling hamstrings trying to figure out how to bring baseball back to the inner city. Maybe it should put the Roncalli and Marshall girls in charge?

Anyway, it’s not an important story, just one that squirts apple juice right in your face. And who knows? Maybe someday, Marshall will be beating Roncalli in the final inning, realize how far it has come, and forfeit again, just as a thank you.

When Good Kids Do Great Things

In my school district we have a high number of teachers and students participate in a Service Learning Project. What this means is, students create a project that they can use to raise money for a cause or a charity. Recently one of my daughters' classes joined with a class from one of the other elementaries to invent "Pupp Putt," a miniature golf course which they designed and built to raise money for the SCI (Spinal Cord Injuries) Hope Foundation. All the money goes towards helping those who have incurred a spinal cord injury become more independent. The students and parents set up the course, sold baked goods, and charged an entrance fee whereby all proceeds went directly to the SCI Hope Foundation. The students raised almost $10,000 in one week.
In a world where people love to talk about all the bad things kids do and get into, it's nice to be a part of something that kids do to give back to their community.

One Student, One Day

These last two weeks have been C-R-A-Z-Y. One day this week was taken up almost entirely by one student! How does that happen you say? Well, since I need to be vague, let me try to put it this way: I was in a training meeting and at about 9:30 the principal comes to get me saying a student has been brought down by the teacher due to student saying something inappropriate to another student and looking up an inappropriate website. I talk to student (20 minutes), call dad (10 minutes), send child back to class. I get called to the cafeteria 30 minutes later. Said student has been doing something potentially harmful in cafeteria. I walk student down to clinic and spend time discussing the issue with the nurse (30 min.) Call parents again. Parents come to speak with me and student (another 30 min.) I go get student's homework for the day out of locker and classrooms (20 min.) I get advice and talk to various people a little later to make a plan to help said student (45 min.) What am I up to now on one student? (About 2 hours?) Seems a bit longer due to going back and forth between my tasks and helping said student.
I remind myself this is why I do what I do. I want to help students AND their parents. I remind myself that I don't want to put myself out of business, so bring on the "busyness"!!!

Running it Off!

By Friday of each week I am usually mentally and emotionally spent. Not to mention verbally spent. I should count sometime how many minutes a week I spend talking to kids, teachers, parents, colleagues and myself! It's no wonder I prefer not to talk to people on the phone in the evenings and on weekends!
Anyway, I got sidetracked. What I meant to start saying is that sometimes I have a hard time unwinding, so I get up on Saturday mornings and just run until my knees hurt. (I'm lucky to get 20 minutes in, really, but I run/walk until I reach 20 minutes). It's amazing how much better I feel after I run off the stress of the week, and then I sleep very good on Saturday night!
I like to listen to my inspirational songs on my MP3 player when I run, mostly Contemporary Christian music. This week the song came on that I had recorded called "This one's with me."

This One's With Me Lyrics by Newsong
(click on song title to hear song-automatically plays)

1. I was dreaming about Heaven
I was standing at the Pearly Gates
We all there
And I was so scared in the presence of One so great
I felt so worried and unworthy
I felt like running away
I bowed my head and I turn to go
Then I heard someone say

(chorus) Father, this one's with me
Part of the family
One of the reasons I died
On Calvary
Father, welcome him in
I paid the price for him
Father, oh Father, this ones with me

Sometimes I just want to tell God, "This one's with me,"
when kids come in and they are upset or hurt about whatever
is going on. I know I can't pay the price, but I hope that I
can be someone who points kids towards God, and that they
will feel loved by Him through me.
 
So, here is the rest of the song in case you are wondering:

2. I was dreaming about Heaven
When I looked up the gates were opened wide
And in the distance, I saw Jesus
Our eyes met, and I began to cry
Angels robed in their beauty
Were there to show me the way
And all of Heaven singing
When I heard His voice say

Father, this one's with me
Part of the family
One of the reasons I died
On Calvary
Father, welcome him in
I paid the price for him
Father, oh Father, this one's with me

3. Finally, we were there face to face
And He placed on me Heaven's crown
I fell down on my knees
Laid my crown at His feet
Then He said, to me

Father, this one's with me
Part of the family
One of the reasons I died
On Calvary
Father, welcome him in
I paid the price for him
Father, oh Father, this one's with me

In Like a Lamb, Out Like a Lion

And no, I am not talking about the month of March, I am talking about 6th graders entering and exiting their first year of middle school! I was 8th grade counselor last year and that bunch was sorta tough, so when I became 6th grade counselor this year I was like, "woo hoo, this should be a breeze." Well, it was for about 5 months, then after Christmas break it was like the hormone switch went off and kids started acting crazy and making poor choices. (I want to put in a little reminder here, though, to add perspective: I spend about 90% of my time with 10% of the kids, if you know what I mean, so when I say "they" started acting crazy, I'm really only talking about my 10%).

So, my little 10% start doing things like hitting other kids, getting ISS for poor behavior choice, continuing to disrupt class and say, "I didn't do it!", not following behavior plans the teachers set in place, those kind of things that keep my job secure. I called one student in to discuss a behavior plan that had been in place since November and he looked at me and said, "Behavior plan, what behavior plan. I didn't know I had a behavior plan." RIIIIGGGGHHHHT.

Another student wants to go live with the opposite parent, so I get word that this student asked another student to punch him/her to get a bruise so it would lead to a CPS report. Wow, was that on a CSI episode?

Many things lead to misbehavior in middle school and I know that kids are confused sometimes, don't know what they want, and generally feel lost, but sometimes when teachers and counselors spend extra time with kids to talk to them about things, I wonder why in the world don't they get it after I see them again for the same behavior?

Reminder to self: love them no matter what!

I Want to Be a Professional Athlete!

Doesn't everybody? I taught my annual career lesson today, this time to my 6th graders. As I progressed through the day I was reminded of the dream of so many students: to be a professional athlete. The career website we were using had a link to Professional Athlete and several students asked me right away after they did their survey if that was on there as a job selection. (Mind you, the results of the survey NEVER suggest Professional Athlete as a possible career opportunity).

I think it's great that kids can dream big. We counselors try never to say, "OH NO, YOU'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO DO THAT." We ask them to have a back up plan and remind them that less than 1% of the population holds that as their career.

A couple of years ago I had a student at the high school I thought might actually have the chance to make it in the pro, so I insisted that he give me a signed picture before he graduated and told him I would never try to sell it on Ebay. Surprisingly, another student who graduated the same year and plays for Butler University in Indianapolis actually may have that chance. We got his autograph at the state championship celebration last year. If you follow college basketball you may recognize his name as Gordon Hayward.

Oh to be a professional athlete and enjoy fame and glory for a short time. We must remember though, that the most important jobs are usually the one no one spotlights on the evening news~and we must keep plugging away. Thanks to Brian Williams from NBC nightly news, they now have an evening clip at the end of their broadcast called "Making a Difference." It is the 3 minute highlight of my weekday evenings!

What Constitutes a Good School Experience?

Everyone has a different view of their child's whole school experience from Kindergarten to whatever grade he/she is currently in. I think a major key in whether you and your child have a good experience is how well you and the school staff relate to each other over expressed concerns. As a school counselor, I find that when I take the time to listen to a parent and offer solutions, we end the conversation on a good note because they feel they are being heard and that I will follow up with them.
Parents and students who struggle sometimes have had someone in the school be rude to them, or they perceive that a staff member has been rude. Sometimes a staff member has not been rude at all but because of preconceived notions or other parents' input, they enter the conversation already assuming it's not going to go well. I tell parents to ask questions until they get the answers and help they need. Most school staff are very caring and kind, and if they are not, it needs to be addressed by an administrator.
As a parent myself, I have had a good school experience and so have my children. Perhaps it is because my children are "easy" children to have in class. Perhaps it is because I don't nag the teachers or my own kids about homework, projects or tests. Everyone has a different view of school based on their children and their own personalities, backgrounds and experiences. The best advice I can give is to go to the school expecting a positive experience and most of the time you won't be disappointed.

Frenzied Fridays . . . or Frantic Fridays?

I think one of my favorite and least favorite days of the week is Fridays. Fridays at school are pre-empted with thoughts of wondering what the day is going to bring- will it bring bad or good? The bad possibilities first: crying kids who come in with a sad, sad story, a referral from a teacher of a student with a bruise that necessitates a call to CPS, a parent upset with a teachers' decisions for the week, students who made a poor behavior choice and must be sent home for a few days . . . OR will it bring:

the positive possibilities: checking a student's grades to find out they've raised their F's to C's, having a study skills group or other kid centered group that helps me get to know my students better, having a student come down just to say "hi," because they haven't seen me in a few days, celebrating a staff member's birthday, or looking forward to a school break coming up.

There is only one thing predictable for Fridays: they're really unpredictable. Oh, and they also go by fast!

Moving Meltdowns

My friend recently e-mailed me about one of her children who was having a difficult time moving in the middle of a school year. Here are some of my thoughts:

Moving can be SO hard on kids! Every kid is different, but some children are especially resistant to change. They like to be safe and not have any disruptions in the normal routine. My youngest daughter doesn't like change and I remember the two times we moved when she was little she would suddenly start waking up at night and come into our room. I started putting a sleeping bag by my bed and whenever she wakes up in the night she can come in and sleep there. She still does this about once or twice a month believe it or not! That might help a child who is waking up at night to make sure he is getting his sleep. If he loses sleep he will become more anxious.

If your child is not experiencing headaches, stomachaches, or terribly bad sleeping patterns, he will probably get through this phase with your love and prayers! Some kids compare their new teacher to their other one, and maybe she's not as warm and friendly (or pretty!) You just never know sometimes what the "main" issue is.

One thing you could do if you haven't already is e-mail his teacher and ask her to make sure she says something positive to him each day. I know that sounds trite, but to a kid, it means a lot when a teacher compliments an assignment, or perhaps gives a special job to do in the classroom. The other thing you could do is get a book on moving and read it.

Do you remember the book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day? by Judith Viorst. Well, I saw on Amazon that they have an Alexander book about moving. I haven't read it yet, but I bet it's funny and hits on all the things your child is going through. http://www.amazon.com/Alexander-Whos-Hear-Mean-Going/dp/0689820895/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1267300547&sr=8-3-catcorr
Getting involved in rec or school sports also often helps students overcome the moving meltdowns. Love and prayer is the most important thing you can do!

Parent Protective Services

That sounds odd, doesn't it? I make at least 2 reports per year to Child Protective Services, and recently I have noticed that it has turned into Parent Protective Services. Last time I called to report a visible bruise, the CPS worker indicated that instead of coming to the school to interview the child, they would be making a family appointment where the parent had time to talk to the child ahead of time and help prepare them for what to say to the CPS worker.

We all hear the stories on the morning media shows of the rare occasions when children have lied because they were mad at their parents, resulting in children being taken away for a few weeks or months. That is very tragic when that happens, but over all the cases of real child abuse are increasing, not decreasing.

http://www.childhelp.org/resources/learning-center/statistics

A colleague recentlty told me that she had a child with belt marks all over his legs and when she called CPS they also made a family appointment and then sent the child home.
How many times must a child have to endure abuse before being removed from the home? How many children are losing trust in ANY adult to help them?

My Inspiration

The desire to become a school counselor started way back in high school. As I blog, you will see glimpses of my past that tie to my present career. I don't want to write my entire history in one blog because it would take way too long and you would lose interest!

I will tell you that my inspiration to become a school counselor came from my high school counselor, Al Jackson, to whom I dedicate this site. He listened when I thought no one would and the best thing about him is he didn't tell me what to do when I was in a dire situation. He just LISTENED. In listening, you will find that your child (middle and high school age) will eventually come to their own conclusions about what they should do. Advice and guidance given at the appropriate times is "worth it's weight in gold."

I would also like to thank Janice Dean, my high school yearbook advisor, who helped me develop my love for writing, layouts and picture taking when I was her yearbook editor.

Hello!

I have been a school counselor for 15 years. I have worked in elementary, middle and high school, with my current placement being a middle school. I am still trying to decide how to best use this blog, but I would love to be able to give advice to parents, students, teachers and fellow counselors from all the things I have learned over the years.

Sometimes I will post case studies and change names and events and ask questions of readers who may be able to give ME advice! I love my job and know that God has placed me in public education as His ministry for my life.

I am a Christian, so much of what I have to say will be from that viewpoint.

It is possible to be a counselor in public education and also be a Christian. It is tough at times, but I think the key to being a good counselor is love, compassion and mercy, no matter what your belief system is!